Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

#people #countries #diseases #curable #medication #drug #companies #products #prices

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this

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day and age, the young generation in some nations prefer to be an apprentice rather than studying in the university. I am in

favor

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favour

show examples

this

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trend because

this

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avails to

Verb problem

allows

show examples

people

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to pick up professional skills directly from the workplace and

also

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they can have less financial burden by getting paid.

Firstly

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people

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can learn faster as they are involved in the working surroundings.

For example

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, the best way to learn cookery is to work in a professional kitchen and see how experienced chefs deal with raw materials and cook ingredients.

Likewise

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, if

people

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want to be automobile mechanics, the more they practice on a real vehicle, the more familiar they can be with the structure and parts of a car.

This

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can help them to accumulate hands-on experiences and be ready for their profession in the future.

Secondly

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, it is a financially wise option to learn from work. Getting an

education

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from working-based training is comparatively

cheap

Correct word choice

cheaper

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than universities.

Besides

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people

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get paid

while

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they are in apprenticeship,

this

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can be income for their living.

Moreover

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, they earn money after they accomplish the apprenticeship, they can utilize the money for

further

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education

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or acquire a second speciality.

This

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is not only economical but

also

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affordable for

people

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to pave their way for

education

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. Some

people

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may argue that the

education

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in the university is more thorough than working-based training.

Nonetheless

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, the majority of

people

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still focus on one profession after they graduate from the university. In conclusion,

this

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not only aids

people

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to learn pragmatically but

also

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somewhat relieves financial pressure for them. I reckon that

this

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is a win-win situation for

people

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who choose working-based training.

Submitted by wendy190427 on Mon Sep 02 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction is clear but could be more directly tied to the reasons you elaborate on in the essay. It would be beneficial to briefly mention the main points you will discuss to provide a clear roadmap for the reader.

task achievement

While your main points are relevant and well-articulated, it would be advantageous to further expand on and diversify your examples. This can lend more depth and credibility to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your conclusion aligns closely with your main arguments presented in the body of the essay. You should summarize the key points more explicitly to reinforce your stance.

coherence cohesion

Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to strengthen the logical structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples, such as learning cookery in a professional kitchen and practicing as an automobile mechanic, bring clarity to your arguments and help in grounding them in real-world scenarios.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured, with clear connections between paragraphs and ideas. This contributes to the overall readability and coherence of the piece.

task achievement

You effectively highlight the financial advantages of apprenticeships, making a strong case for their practicality and accessibility.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Pharmaceuticals
Generic drugs
Patent laws
Healthcare disparity
Subsidies
Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
Intellectual property
Epidemiology
Affordability
Global health initiatives
Corporate social responsibility

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Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 wor

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people.

Many of the products we buy nowadays break or wear out very quickly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for manufacturers and the public?

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more companies are willing to view graduates of online universities on an equal level as those who attended brick-and-mortar classrooms. Discuss the advantages of both styles of learning as it relates to the working world.