IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

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Certain individuals think that handing out cash to youngsters every week is a highly effective way to support them but others do not favour
such
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trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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. I am neutral on
this
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 opinion and
this
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 viewpoint can have many pros and cons. In
this
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 essay, the reasons for
such
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 an opinion will be explored and supported with some examples.
To begin
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 with, some children do not have the conscientiousness to handle cash and
use
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 it appropriately. They can
use
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 it
an
Change preposition
in an
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 illegal way and could cost them their mental and physical health. To exemplify, children
use
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money
Add an article
the money
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 to buy drugs from gangs or peers
while
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 they are still in the school-going age.
Besides
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this
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, some children
also
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 spoil their friends and distract them from their studies. Ergo, it seems like an exorbitant amount of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 in a child's pocket can have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 to derail his career or life from the right path.
On the contrary
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, it depends on the upbringing of a
kid
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 and how his family teaches him to utilize money. It could help the
kid
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 in multifarious situations.
For instance
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, some kids save money and after a year they
use
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 it to buy books that could assist them in their career. Another method to spend cash is by staying away from
stressful
Correct article usage
a stressful
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 school regimen and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 some leisure time activities
such
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 as hiking or joining a swimming school.
Thus
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, it is an effective way to support a
kid
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 during his
schooldays
Correct your spelling
school days
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. In conclusion, some kids utilize funds as an investment in their future and others can ruin their career by spending it in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 wrong direction.
Thus
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, it is difficult to apply
this
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 trend for every
kid
Use synonyms
 because each youngster is unique and parents should try
this
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 cautiously.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some paragraphs are not well-developed. Ensure each point is fully explained and expand on your examples to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but the response could be more focused. Clearly state your position in the introduction and maintain a consistent argument throughout.
task achievement
There are some good ideas presented, but they lack depth. Try to provide more detailed explanations and elaborate on your points to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both pros and cons of giving money to children, which shows a fair understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, summarizing your viewpoints and reinforcing your main arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
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