IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems. ? What can individual people do ?

#humans #environment #governments #address #people
It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 topic of general interest that the deterioration of environmental quality is caused by
humans's
Change noun form
humans
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 activities , particularly the combustion of non-renewable
energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 alongside
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of cheap products .
In
Change preposition
From
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 the writer's perspective ,
this
 can be solved by government action in controlling the amount of fuel being burnt and
nationals
Fix the agreement mistake
national
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run
Verb problem
apply
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campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
. There is no denying
about
Change preposition
that
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 activities coming from human society
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the major factor
to
Change preposition
in
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 environmental degradation . To be more specific ,
due to
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
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 of
people
 about using conventional
energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 for moving or industry , toxic exhaust fumes which are
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
the consequence
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 of
this
 will be emitted into
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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 , leading to air pollution .
In addition
 , as
people
 in the recent worldwide tend to use more and more cheap products without throwing them into
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 places
such
 as trash bins , many landfills will be overloaded which causes environmental pollution .
Thus
 , it is obvious that
people
 are destroying
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 in several paths.
Nevertheless
 ,
state
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the state
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 office will play an integral part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 addressing
this
 problem . To be more specific ,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can prohibit or limit the amount of unsustainable
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
energy
 being used by industrial companies and residents and encourage them to consume more green
energy
such
 as wind ,
solar
Correct word choice
and solar
show examples
 .
Therefore
 ,
this
 can put a cut on the usage of carbon-intensive
energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 which will solve the environmental contamination as a whole . As for
residentials
Correct your spelling
residents
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, they can run
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 in order to promote the consumption of recyclable and
biodegrable
Correct your spelling
biodegradable
 items . To be more specific ,
instead
 of using goods
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 single-use and harmful to
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 ,
people
 can encourage each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 to use more
reuseable
Correct your spelling
reusable
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 supplies so that they can not only reduce the paid money but
also
 contribute to protecting the
environment
 . For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, plastic bottles are said to
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 discouraged to be used by residents in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years ,
instead
due to
 the campaign using
environment
Replace the word
environmentally
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 friendly bottles ,
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 reduced the environmental destruction. In conclusion , human
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of harmful
energy
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 or cheap products are creating an
environment
 which is alarmingly contaminated .
However
 , government and individuals can join hands in tackling
this
 issue
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, elaborate more on each point. Provide specific examples or evidence to support the claims, such as specific policies or campaigns that have worked in the past.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use more transitional phrases and connect sentences and ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with word choice and grammar. Phrasing like 'an environment which is alarmingly contaminated' should be rephrased to 'an environment that is alarmingly polluted'. Proofreading can help catch these minor errors.
task achievement
The essay covers a wide range of relevant points about both the ways humans are damaging the environment and potential solutions from governments and individuals.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are effectively present, giving the essay a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
The candidate demonstrates a good attempt at organizing paragraphs by separating out different aspects of the problem and solutions.
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