IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?

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People sleep fewer
hours
Use synonyms
 than they did many years ago.
This
Linking Words
 is because we tend to work longer
hours
Use synonyms
 compared to the past and
this
Linking Words
 results in fatigue. population tend to sleep less compared to the past because they are expected to work more.
This
Linking Words
 is because the job market is more competitive than ever before and workers have to get more done or they may fall behind or be replaced by someone else.
This
Linking Words
 means that people have to get up earlier and do not return home until late in the evening,
thus
Linking Words
 cutting into their sleep.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they do not have time to relax and
this
Linking Words
 disrupts their sleep pattern.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study showed that the average employee worked 2.4
hours
Use synonyms
 more than average workers in the 1970s. The primary effect of
this
Linking Words
 widespread chronic fatigue.
That is
Linking Words
 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 large sections of the population do not have the required 8
hours
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 results in a high percentage of them being too tired to live their lives effectively.
This
Linking Words
 could mean that they underperform at work, are more irritable with those around them or could even have health problems.
For example
Linking Words
, the Golden State Warriors basketball team employed a sleep expert and studied players who slept for more than 9
hours
Use synonyms
 a night and compared than with those who only got 6. Those who slept less had more injuries and actually performed worse on the court. In conclusion, people are more
sleep deprived
Add a hyphen
sleep-deprived
show examples
 than in previous generations
due to
Linking Words
 longer working
hours
Use synonyms
 and the effect is that many are chronically tired to the point of exhaustion.

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coherence cohesion
Add a clearer introduction to set the context for the essay right at the beginning. A well-defined introduction helps in better understanding and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between some sentences and paragraphs by using linking words or phrases. This will make your argument more compelling and your essay easier to read.
task achievement
Make sure to support some points with more specific examples, which would offer more concrete evidence and improve clarity rather than generalizations.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reconnects with the introduction, closing the argument well.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and answers both questions about the reasons behind reduced sleep and its effects on individuals.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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