Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to anatural environment

Zoos
have been amusing and educating humans about
animals
for centuries.
Although
containment of
animals
in
zoos
is an increasingly controversial topic. Some argue that confining
animals
to their cages in
zoos
is both necessary and healthy,
while
others refute
this
. On one hand, many believe that keeping
animals
inside the contrived environment of a
zoo
is a way to save many species from going extinct.
For example
, Auckland
Zoo
has many breeding programs in place to enable
animals
to mate and reproduce. These
animals
might not be able to find mating partners in the wild and
hence
their species could be wiped out.
This
example makes it clear why many people support
this
stance.
On the contrary
, many argue that the practice of keeping
animals
in a
zoo
is harmful to these primates.
For instance
, a recent survey found that
animals
in a
zoo
in Karachi,Pakistan, were fed toxic substances by the visitors which had an adverse effect on the health of many
animals
. As
this
example illustrates,
animals
in
zoos
can be abused if proper safety measures are not employed.
Hence
, it is obvious why
this
point of view has garnered support. After looking at both sides of
this
argument, it is felt that keeping
animals
in
zoos
begets greater benefits than disadvantages as long as there are precautionary measures in place to ensure the safety of these
animals
. It is hoped that
zoos
will continue to keep endangered species from going extinct. In conclusion,
zoos
are helpful in preserving
animals
and protecting them from various conditions they face in the wild but
also
it’s necessary to provide a proper habitat for them to live.
Submitted by nmpppp4444 on

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Task Achievement
Develop a more nuanced introduction that outlines your argument and perspectives clearly. Although the introduction provided offers a foundation, a sharper, more defined stance could strengthen engagement.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your essay, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea you will explore. This enhances readability and coherence significantly.
Task Achievement
Expand your argument by providing a more diverse range of examples and evidence. While the examples from Auckland Zoo and Karachi are engaging, incorporating a broader spectrum of evidence could deepen your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more explicitly to effectively guide the reader through your argument. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can enhance the flow from one idea to the next, bolstering your essay’s cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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