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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #doctors #development
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Nowadays, a lot of
people
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 consider trusting traditional
medicine
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 rather than going to
doctors
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. I think it is a negative development and will provide an explanation of why
this
Linking Words
 might be the case. One of the reasons
people
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 put trust in traditional
medicine
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 is their belief in natural products. Medications that are prescribed today by
doctors
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 may have some unknown
conservants
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conservators
servants
conservant
 and chemicals that make ordinary
people
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 without medical education start to doubt their efficiency.
In contrast
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, traditional
medicine
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 presents products that are natural. Producers of
such
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 services claim that they put only fresh and ecological ingredients
such
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 as
herbs
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. The other cause which makes consumers rely more on traditional ways of healing is a previously bad experience with
doctors
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. The majority of
people
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 have lived through at least one bad experience where the doctor's opinion was incorrect.
Following
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this
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, some patients choose to still go to medical experts after, meanwhile, others switch to what in their opinion is a safer option, which is
herbs
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. These days, the fact that at least a quarter of society considers applying traditional
medicine
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 rather than the standard one can negatively impact humans.
While
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 pills, that were prescribed by
doctors
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, were tested before and made sure to be suitable for consumers, the same conclusion can not be said for products of traditional
medicine
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.
People
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 might accumulate a diverse amount of
herbs
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 and consume them;
however
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, it does not mean it is safer for them. Actually, it is the opposite way,
due to
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 the lack of research that was done on combining different
herbs
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 the effect can be even more damaging. Afterwards, it may result in worse health conditions. In conclusion, many patients consider selecting traditional
medicine
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 because they think of it as a safer and more effective option, or
due to
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 a bad experience with
doctors
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 in the past.
Nevertheless
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, I believe it is a negative development
due to
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 the
the
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apply
show examples
not fully researched background the traditional
herbs
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 have that can lead to serious consequences in a person's well-being.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, providing reasons why people rely on traditional medicine and discussing whether this is a positive or negative trend. However, you could strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with detailed explanations and examples. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is good, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.
complete response
You address the given topic comprehensively, discussing both causes and the potential impact of the shift towards traditional medicine.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
What to do next:
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