IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary world, with the rapid growth of technology, we are witnessing great advances in different fields. Sometimes, it is argued that it could be good practice for
companies
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 and other institutions that
instead
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 of working on innovations that just make profits, they should work on innovations and ideas that benefit the environment and social problems.
While
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 I understand the advantages of prioritizing ideas to address
people
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's daily routine issues, I completely disagree with
this
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 notion. On the one hand, environmentally friendly
innovation
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 could benefit individuals, especially future generations.
For example
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, new ideas about creating efficient cars and renewable energy have many advantages that could be helpful for our general health.
Besides
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,
people
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 could trust institutions that care about the environment and
people
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. When big
companies
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 and conglomerates start to care about
innovation
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 that addresses
people
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’s problems, it could encourage
people
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 and students to spend their time on something similar. Despite all of these sentences, I am afraid I would argue against
this
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 idea because I think all of these claims would be unrealistic in the modern world.
On the other hand
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,
companies
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 need money to survive and serve their clients; without any profits, they cannot even pay their employees. A good
innovation
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 needs a proper group of skilled workers to work on it; training workers, scientists, researchers, and managers cost a lot of money. Another reason worth mentioning here is the fact that
companies
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 or
people
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 who devote their time to an idea should be motivated to try harder; without any profits, no one tends to work any
further
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. Plus, when the company’s income is low, professionals don’t try to get a job at that company because of the lack of market cap. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the most important factor for a successful
innovation
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 is its profit and its impact on
overall
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 economic growth.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed and diverse examples to support your points. Using a variety of examples can illustrate your arguments better and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is thoroughly explained. For example, when mentioning the importance of profit for companies, elaborate on how it directly ties into innovation and sustainability.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs to achieve seamless flow and coherence. Phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On another note" can help connect your ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This can make your essay easier to follow and more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the prompt and provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a concise overview and a strong finishing point.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear progression of ideas from one point to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pursuit of profit
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • efficiency
  • consumer experiences
  • job creation
  • standard of living
  • sustainability
  • global challenges
  • renewable energy technologies
  • climate change
  • quality of life
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • underserved populations
  • socio-economic groups
  • balanced approach
  • social and environmental impacts
  • long-term sustainability
  • socially and environmentally responsible products
  • consumer preference
  • societal goals
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