IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some city public parks and open spaces are being changed into garden where local residents can grow own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#city #parks #spaces #garden #residents #fruit #vegetables
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The majority of public areas in urban
such
Linking Words
 as open spaces and public parks are planned to become more useful for natives to farm vegetables and fruit.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that positive effects on society outweigh the risk of social problems. It is comprehension that growing own
food
Use synonyms
 does more good than harm to consumer health. These open
gardens
Use synonyms
 can encourage the consumption of healthy
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the safety and reduce the high taxes when buying organic
food
Use synonyms
 in supermarkets.
For instance
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, during COVID-19, to avoid interacting with other people, some families grew their own fruits and vegetables that would diminish their family meals and keep their members healthier throughout the pandemic.
Thus
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, the type of these
gardens
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 should be more widespread and apply more.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some social problems are a concern for some residents. In the details, public
gardens
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 will be hard to manage and protect it away from thief or wages by visitors and strangers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fertilizer use in public in some way will pollute the environment.
However
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, there is some chemical that protects
food
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 and
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 friendly to the environment without drawbacks to human health. Seek security guard and use cameras,
for example
Linking Words
, these methods were applied by Daegu’s garden in Korea to protect their citizens’ outdoor
gardens
Use synonyms
. From that, it likely connects everyone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and puts them together to save their shared property. To sum it up, improving health and public awareness outweigh the damage done by people outside that local.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fresh and less pesticide
food
Use synonyms
 will be provided to everyone.

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grammar
Ensure consistent use of articles ('the majority of public areas', 'the type of these gardens', 'the environment').
cohesion
Improve cohesion between paragraphs by using linking words and phrases. For example, 'Furthermore' could be used more effectively to link ideas within the same paragraph.
task response
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper level of critical thinking.
coherence
The introduction clearly outlines the main argument, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
task response
The essay clearly delineates both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure and consistency are maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community gardens
  • public parks
  • open spaces
  • residents
  • fresh produce
  • healthier lifestyles
  • environmental sustainability
  • food miles
  • organic farming
  • recreational space
  • social interaction
  • community bonds
  • leisure activities
  • maintenance and management
  • community involvement
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