In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Water
plays an essential and invaluable role in farming although
there are technological advancements taking place. There are various reasons for starvation such
as global warming due to
industrialization, the usage of fossil fuels, deforestation, and contamination of toxic substances with water
sources and soil which lead to the disappearance of necessary microorganisms for crops. For instance
, firstly
, an excessive approach to industrialization will release more CO2 and other toxic gases to
the environment and damage the Ozone layer, Change preposition
into
due to
which, the temperature will increase and lead to drought. Secondly
, deforestation causes the loss of animal habitats and disturbs the ecosystem.
Furthermore
, the damage caused to the environment is reversible. Carrying out certain treatments by collaborating with agricultural experts will solve these issues. A few things can be executed such
as installing rainwater harvesting tanks in every house, artificial forestation (or planting more trees) to provide more habitat for wild animals and insects, and implementing stringent rules and regulations for industrial owners to control the emissions within allowable limits to prevent global warming and to save water
which will enhance the crop yield. For example
, farmers gave up farming in a village called Madurai in the Southern part of India due to
insufficient water
in reservoirs and wells, however
artificial forestation enhanced the rain and increased the groundwater table to the previous stage.
In conclusion, humans will struggle for food if everybody does not take care of this
precious environment despite technological advancements. Artificial forestation, rainwater preservation, and policy-making for industrial sectors will decrease global warming and boost food production.Submitted by thanushan.kulathasan on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, you can elaborate more on how specific technological advancements in agriculture, apart from deforestation and industrialization, fail to prevent hunger.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the connections between some points could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph transitions naturally to the next. For example, linking the causes of hunger more directly to the solutions will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Provide more variety in sentence structures to improve readability and maintain the reader's interest. Also, ensure that all sentences contribute directly to answering the question posed by the task.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You included relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Madurai, which strengthens your argument.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion