IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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Although
 it is sometimes thought that advertisement motivates
people
 to purchase
products
 which are unnecessary, other
people
 think that it informs consumers about new items that may develop their lifestyle. In my opinion, I believe that advertisements force customers indirectly to buy more goods by creating a false need and using famous
people
. At present, a vast majority of companies are influencing
people
 to spend on
products
 that they do not need with various luring advertising techniques. One way to manipulate consumers is to create artificial needs among the public by providing fascinating incentives
such
 as, buy one get one free and massive discounts on holidays. A large section of society,
as a result
, possesses the habit of spending more than they can afford.
For
this
 reason,
people
 easily get influenced and do not hesitate
in buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
products
 that are redundant.
For instance
, a recent survey carried out by BBC revealed that the sales of renowned brands increase by 20%-30% when they provide
such
 offers. Another way of selling more units of production to the general masses is through the influence of celebrities.
In other words
, nowadays every company pays a huge amount of money to famous
people
 to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advocacy
Replace the word
advocate
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
products
 or services.
As a consequence
,
people
 easily get convinced regarding the high value and good quality of the product and start spending more on those items which they already have
due to
 the impact and credibility of various popular players or movie stars. What is more, celebrity marketing increases the acceptance of the company and originates curiosity about the brand among
people
 which brings more customers to try their
products
.
To conclude
, I think the modern
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 industry influences everyone to buy unnecessary things through clever selling styles
as well as
 renowned public figures.
Submitted by moulvibazarhexas on

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relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to provide stronger support to your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific products or brands and how their advertisements have impacted consumer behavior.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and avoid introducing too many ideas at once. For instance, the sections on celebrity influence and artificial needs could be more distinctly separated for clarity.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on making your ideas more comprehensive by further elaborating on your points. Providing more detailed explanations will enhance clarity and depth.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and effective structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding statement.
logical structure
Logical connections and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are strong, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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