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Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is more common way to learn history by watching movies instead of reading books. Does the advantages of this ought weight the disadvantages?

#people #history #movies #books #weight
It is a common belief that watching
movies
 is a more usual way in order to learn history than reading books. The writer of
this
 essay firmly
belives
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believes
show examples
 that the benefits of simplifying
the
Correct article usage
apply
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complex
events
 and
wide
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a wide
show examples
 range of updated information
outweight
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outweigh
outweighs
 the
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
 of accuracies. It is vital to understand that many
compicated
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complicated
events
 will be easier to understand if people decide to learn
historical
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about historical
show examples
events
 via
movies
. To put it simply,
due to
 the time limit, many videos must be done in a short time in order to reach the demand of the audience;
therefore
, many details will
be shorten
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be shortened
show examples
 and made it become understandable for all
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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ages. Take DKLT Studio as an example, since 2009, they have made many
movies
 relating to
the
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apply
show examples
European history with basic knowledge and even less complex features, they
then
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
 a large recognition from the community and their annual income increased
for
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by
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 around 40%. Another advantageous factor
must
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that must
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 be recognized when
movies
is
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are
show examples
ultilized
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utilized
utilised
 for studying history is the large amount of data
of
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on
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 specific
events
. To clarify, learners can look for
their
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the
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 topic
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they need by using
searching
Replace the word
search
show examples
 tools on the Internet,
then
 they will get many
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task achievement
Your essay generally covers the main points of the prompt and provides relevant examples. However, to improve, ensure that each idea is fully developed and clearly linked to the main argument. Try to address potential counterarguments as well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs. To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure you use a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes your main points. Additionally, using more transitional words could help in achieving smoother flow.
language accuracy
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and accuracy in vocabulary usage. Improving sentence variety and avoiding repetition will also enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue. The examples provided are relevant and help to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is easy to follow, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, making it clear to the reader what to expect.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt to create a structured argument for your points, which benefits the clarity of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • engagement
  • relatable
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • vivid visuals
  • dramatic storytelling
  • visual and emotional experience
  • historical accuracy
  • potential misconceptions
  • biased view
  • simplification
  • complex historical events
  • limited runtime
  • incomplete understanding
  • historical nuances
  • superficial overview
  • varying perspectives
What to do next:
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