IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fast food is now becoming a part of life everywhere negatively affecting our lifestyles and diets To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common belief that junk
food
Use synonyms
 now is becoming more and more widespread in meals and diets and has adverse effects on human health .From my point of view, I certainly agree with the opinion above because chemistry makes people cannot control their body
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is obvious that absorbing fast
food
Use synonyms
 too much brings a lot of drawbacks for consumers. First of all, various poisons are put into junk
food
Use synonyms
. Take an example of a popular
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as pizzas or burgers are high in saturated fats and added sugars, so it is hard to resist.
In other words
Linking Words
, unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 has a delicious taste which is suitable for kids and teens in order to satisfy their cravings On top of that, consumers tend not to keep their weight under control. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
 because fast
food
Use synonyms
 is extremely high in calories which increases bad cholesterol levels and causes several deadly diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and high blood pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, the elderly have a tendency to have health problems seriously if they intake in large amounts, especially kids because their brains may be affected significantly by unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. Problematically, they cannot grow up comprehensively in order to study productively
To sum up
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is more likely to be convenient for people who desire to be time-saving.
However
Linking Words
, it seems to me that junk
food
Use synonyms
 tends to attract humans around the world, if it becomes more and more nutrient

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay should be more balanced by discussing the counter-arguments or acknowledging the potential benefits of fast food, even if to refute them.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more detailed examples to substantiate each point. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics could add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next. Use transitional words and phrases to improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and provides comprehensive support for that idea. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
introduction
The introduction does a good job of setting up the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The writer demonstrates a clear understanding of the negative aspects of fast food on health, particularly regarding high calorie content and unhealthy fats.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: