TASK 2 Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the modern era, the phenomenon of consumerism is becoming increasingly
more
popular among the young generation, they tend to spend the majority of their free Correct quantifier usage
apply
time
doing joy shopping and it has caused some concerns relating to the drawbacks on
youngsters and their communities. Change preposition
for
This
writer agrees with this
belief because of the individuals' financial burden and the low-quality workforce.
To begin
with, it is vital to understand that a reckless expense habit can result in individual's
bankruptcy. It must be considered that adolescents are inexperienced, they are not fully equipped with the experience to apply for a well-paid job. Because of that, their income remains relatively low, just enough for daily needs. Correct article usage
an individual's
However
, being attracted to the hobbies of shopping together with
their immaturity, there will be an imbalance between income and outcome. Overtime
, it will be unable to afford daily needs and bankruptcy is inevitable. Correct your spelling
Over time
For instance
, many Vietnamese teenagers are so fond of buying online products that they are left with no money at the end
of each month, relying on package noodles to survive.
Furthermore
, spending ages on shopping can also
have a negative effect on the workforce's quality. It must be acknowledged that joy shopping is just a way to relax, allowing the youth to satisfy themselves without any useful development in skills that can be applied in later life. In other words
, their precious free time
is being wasted. Instead
of that, youngsters can make use of their free time
to work on aspects which are necessary for their career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
As a consequence
, there will be more skillful
workers, helping the whole country to develop.
In conclusion, spending too much Change the spelling
skilful
time
Change preposition
apply
on
shopping can negatively impact one's financial status and the workers' condition. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, this
essay has provided clear points to demonstrate the author's agreement with the statement that shopping causes disadvantages to young adults and nations.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to ensure the main argument is immediately obvious.
task achievement
While the ideas are well-developed, try to include more specific examples to support your points even further.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-structured and present clear points about your agreement with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow and structure, which aids in the overall coherence.
task achievement
Key ideas are clearly presented in a comprehensive manner, making your argument easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?