Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the modern era, the phenomenon of consumerism is becoming increasingly

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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popular among the young generation, they tend to spend the majority of their free

time

Use synonyms

doing joy shopping and it has caused some concerns relating to the drawbacks

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for

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youngsters and their communities.

This

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writer agrees with

this

Linking Words

belief because of the individuals' financial burden and the low-quality workforce.

To begin

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with, it is vital to understand that a reckless expense habit can result in

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

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bankruptcy. It must be considered that adolescents are inexperienced, they are not fully equipped with the experience to apply for a well-paid job. Because of that, their income remains relatively low, just enough for daily needs.

However

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, being attracted to the hobbies of shopping

together with

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their immaturity, there will be an imbalance between income and outcome.

Overtime

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Over time

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, it will be unable to afford daily needs and bankruptcy is inevitable.

For instance

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, many Vietnamese teenagers are so fond of buying online products that they are left with no money

at the end

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of each month, relying on package noodles to survive.

Furthermore

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, spending ages on shopping can

also

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have a negative effect on the workforce's quality. It must be acknowledged that joy shopping is just a way to relax, allowing the youth to satisfy themselves without any useful development in skills that can be applied in later life.

In other words

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, their precious free

time

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is being wasted.

Instead

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of that, youngsters can make use of their free

time

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to work on aspects which are necessary for their

career

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careers

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As a consequence

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, there will be more

skillful

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skilful

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workers, helping the whole country to develop. In conclusion, spending too much

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

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shopping can negatively impact one's financial status and the workers' condition.

Hence

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this

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essay has provided clear points to demonstrate the author's agreement with the statement that shopping causes disadvantages to young adults and nations.

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to ensure the main argument is immediately obvious.

task achievement

While the ideas are well-developed, try to include more specific examples to support your points even further.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both well-structured and present clear points about your agreement with the statement.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a logical flow and structure, which aids in the overall coherence.

task achievement

Key ideas are clearly presented in a comprehensive manner, making your argument easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your opinion

Many companies invest their money in sport games for advertisement purposes. Some people think it's good for the sport world, while others believe that it has some disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this on society and families?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion