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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Introduction
The debate over why many
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 re-offend after their sentences suggests that societal rejection makes it challenging for them to
reintegrate
Use synonyms
. Addressing
this
Linking Words
 problem comprehensively requires providing
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 with more support and opportunities to
reintegrate
Use synonyms
 into society.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, it is generally believed that individuals with criminal records are not accepted by society.
Although
Linking Words
 some
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 attempt to
reintegrate
Use synonyms
 by acquiring practical skills in rehabilitation programs, they still face numerous struggles.
For instance
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, statistical reports show that only a minority of
ex-convicts
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 can find employment,
while
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 most are rejected
due to
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 their criminal history.
Hence
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, many
ex-convicts
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, exposed to previous harmful environments and influenced by peer pressure, re-offend as a
last
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 resort to meet their basic needs.
For example
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, many re-offending convicts in a particular prison reported that they could not achieve validation from their community and that their illegal actions stemmed from peer pressure and financial burdens.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, a comprehensive solution to
this
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 problem requires active government intervention.
Initially
Linking Words
, establishing organizations to provide guidance, job opportunities, and community acceptance is crucial. These organizations can facilitate the reintegration of
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 by helping them find gainful employment and suitable living arrangements away from negative influences. Encouraging positive relationships within neighbourhoods can
also
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 play a pivotal role in reducing the chances of re-offending.
For instance
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, some police stations' experiments have proven effective by relocating
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 to more supportive environments, where they are less exposed to harmful peer pressure and can focus on rebuilding their lives and making healthier choices.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the difficulty
ex-convicts
Use synonyms
 face in integrating into the community
due to
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 their criminal records leads to many reoffending cases.
However
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,
this
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 can be addressed comprehensively through government support to help these individuals
reintegrate
Use synonyms
, become productive members of society, and avoid the criminal environment.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the overall structure is logical, slight improvements in transitioning can enhance readability.
Task Achievement
While the essay successfully identifies and elaborates on the reasons for re-offending, it could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of varied solutions. Adding more examples or perspectives can strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive answer to the task question, detailing both the reasons for re-offending and potential solutions.
Task Achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, contributing to a compelling argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay maintains a consistent logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader is guided through the argument effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The argument is coherent and cohesive, making it easy for readers to follow and understand the main points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • social stigma
  • vocational training
  • economic desperation
  • mental health support
  • institutionalization
  • peer influence
  • mentorship programs
  • crime cycle
  • societal inclusion
  • job readiness programs
  • re-offending
  • ex-offenders
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