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Band 6

Many people beleive that high sugar levels cause more health problems. make it more expensive to reduce the health issues. do you agree or disagree ?

#people #beleive #sugar #levels #health
It is believed by many individuals that the consumption of
products
 having high
sugar
 leads to more
health
 problems and increasing the
prices
 of
such
products
 can help to decrease these issues. I firmly disagree with
this
 viewpoint and will discuss other steps to overcome these problems in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, high
sugar
 levels can lead to serious
health
 issues
such
 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Increment in the cost of sugary
products
 can reduce consumption to very extent,
consequently
,
people
 can feel better
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
health
.
Furthermore
, high
prices
 might motivate
people
 to buy healthy food
such
 as fruits and green vegetables.
Also
,
according to
 human nature,
people
 like to buy cheap
products
 and avoid spending too much money even though they like a particular product.
For example
,
a news
Remove the article
news
a piece of news
show examples
broadcasted
Change the form of the verb
broadcast
show examples
 on BBC news channel says that 20% of the population stopped buying food
due to
 their higher
prices
. Moving forward, raising
prices
 is not the only solution to reduce
health
 issues. One prominent factor is that low-income families can have negative consequences, as they might rely on cheap
products
 only.
Therefore
, other steps can be considered to tackle
this
 problem.
Firstly
, educational and awareness sessions can be conducted to aware
people
 of the harmful impacts of taking high levels of
sugar
.
Secondly
, healthier options can be promoted on social media platforms to motivate
people
.
Lastly
, the government should impose some strict rules to lower the amount of
sugar
 in
products
. To recapitulate, increasing the
prices
 of sweet
products
 is not the only solution to mitigate
health
 problems,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe other steps should be taken into consideration
such
 as awareness training sessions and applying serious regulation by the higher authority.
Submitted by kknavdeep2000 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported with specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively, presenting clear arguments and a well-rounded conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is introduced well, making the essay easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high sugar levels
  • health problems
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • reduce consumption
  • public health
  • healthier options
  • negative consequences
  • financial strain
  • low-income families
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • government policies
  • subsidize
  • healthier food alternatives
  • accessible
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