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Band 6.5

many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
A large number of criminals who serve their first punishment, leave
prison
 only to re-offend.
This
 is mainly
due to
 the poor
rehabilitation
 and lack of proper employment once released, which can be tackled by not only training them with useful skills but
also
 keeping proper track of released
prisoners
.
Firstly
, the major reason behind the criminals re-committing the crimes is
due to
 lack of proper
rehabilitation
 whilst in
prison
. In simple words, the
prisoners
 are met with other
prisoners
 which only shapes their minds on more criminal activities rather than giving them a chance to have a deeper understanding of the moral
values
 and responsibilities.
Secondly
, repeat offending of the crime is
also
 owing to the difficulty in finding proper employment for their livelihood. Serving long in
prison
 consequent to their struggle with financial problems,
therefore
 leading them to commit another crime. An effective solution to tackle
this
 problem would be establishing a proper
rehabilitation
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 where the
prisoners
 can learn new skills, and moral
values
, and recognize the importance of moral
values
. A better
rehabilitation
 center helps them learn new skills for their employment once they complete serving their sentence
as well as
 be conscious of the societal norms and
values
. Another approach to
this
 issue would be keeping proper track of the released
prisoners
 so that it prevents the criminals from not only committing any
further
 crimes but
also
 making them think twice before doing something. In conclusion, having training in the
prison
 and closely keeping track of the released lawbreakers are the effective steps to take in
this
 issue.
Submitted by mr.jailybaev on

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task achievement
Try to incorporate specific examples that illustrate your points more effectively. For example, mentioning specific successful rehabilitation programs or statistics about reoffending rates could improve your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, try to ensure each idea flows more smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining focus on the main topic.
task achievement
The response covers all parts of the prompt adequately, discussing both causes and potential solutions to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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