Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, there have been several debates about whether
money
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should be spent on the protection of wild
animals
Use synonyms
or the
development
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of the human population. Based on my opinion, I believe that we should invest in both problems.
Firstly
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, people should recognize the fact that
this
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money
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could be better spent on social advancement.There is no denying that investment in education can not only reduce the unemployment rate but
also
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promote work quality. That leads to the
development
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of the economy and a whole range of aspects of our society.
In addition
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, spending
money
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on social housing and health services
also
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plays a vital role.
This
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helps individuals decrease the financial burden of living costs and
also
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decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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the number of homeless.
Moreover
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,
this
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investment can increase the medicine quality and facilities used for medical treatment.
On the other hand
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,
animals
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are indispensable to society, health, and biology. They help balance the ecosystem,
as a result
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, when they become extinct, the ecosystem will be negatively impacted.
Moreover
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, people
also
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depend almost entirely on
animals
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, they play a vital role in the food chain.
Therefore
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, if the ecosystem is impaired, people will lose an important source of nutrition. Bees,
for instance
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, help pollinate crops and flowers, which promotes economic
development
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and maintains ecological balance.
Furthermore
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, wild
animals
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also
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contribute a lot to medical and education.
For example
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, students can do research on
animals
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for the lesson. In conclusion, spending
money
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on the human population can contribute to the
development
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of a country, but the government
also
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should invest in the protection of wild
animals
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.
Submitted by anhpham.712688 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, you might want to incorporate more specific and detailed examples to back up your points. This will give your argument more weight and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay flows well but transitions between ideas can be more fluid. Utilizing a wider range of transitional phrases can help in making your essay's structure more seamless.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively present and summarize your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well, providing a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as bees for pollination, which effectively support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
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