Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #amount #time #money #protection #animals #population

Nowadays, there have been several debates about whether

money

should be spent on the protection of wild

animals

or the

development

of the human population. Based on my opinion, I believe that we should invest in both problems.

Firstly

, people should recognize the fact that

this

money

could be better spent on social advancement.There is no denying that investment in education can not only reduce the unemployment rate but

also

promote work quality. That leads to the

development

of the economy and a whole range of aspects of our society.

In addition

, spending

money

on social housing and health services

also

plays a vital role.

This

helps individuals decrease the financial burden of living costs and

also

decrease

Correct subject-verb agreement

decreases

show examples

the number of homeless.

Moreover

this

investment can increase the medicine quality and facilities used for medical treatment.

On the other hand

animals

are indispensable to society, health, and biology. They help balance the ecosystem,

as a result

, when they become extinct, the ecosystem will be negatively impacted.

Moreover

, people

also

depend almost entirely on

animals

, they play a vital role in the food chain.

Therefore

, if the ecosystem is impaired, people will lose an important source of nutrition. Bees,

for instance

, help pollinate crops and flowers, which promotes economic

development

and maintains ecological balance.

Furthermore

, wild

animals

also

contribute a lot to medical and education.

For example

, students can do research on

animals

for the lesson. In conclusion, spending

money

on the human population can contribute to the

development

of a country, but the government

also

should invest in the protection of wild

animals

Submitted by anhpham.712688 on Tue May 28 2024

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task achievement

To enhance your task achievement, you might want to incorporate more specific and detailed examples to back up your points. This will give your argument more weight and make your essay more convincing.

coherence cohesion

In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay flows well but transitions between ideas can be more fluid. Utilizing a wider range of transitional phrases can help in making your essay's structure more seamless.

coherence cohesion

You have a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively present and summarize your arguments.

task achievement

You have addressed the prompt well, providing a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as bees for pollination, which effectively support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

biodiversity
ecosystem stability
pollination
water purification
climate regulation
eco-tourism
scientific research
moral and ethical responsibility
deforestation
pollution
financial cost
social issues
healthcare
education
fund allocation

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Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

You have just won two tickets to a concert and want to invite your friend to go with you. Write a letter to your friend. In the letter •give details about the concert •describe how you won the tickets •explain why you’ve chosen your friend to go with you.

Some people think colleges should provide knowledge and skills related to future career; others think the true function of colleges is to give access to knowledge for its own sake. Discuss both points of view about the functions of colleges.

Due to availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low-quality diets. What problem can this cause? What can governments do to resolve these problems?