IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

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In contemporary society, it has become increasingly prevalent for nations worldwide to elevate the
retirement
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age
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 as a means of alleviating economic burdens.
However
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, it is my contention that the detriments of worker dissatisfaction and increased
unemployment
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 far outweigh the purported advantages. To commence, it is imperative to recognize the profound impact of extended working years on employee morale. Many individuals have devoted the majority of their lives to their professions, sacrificing precious time with their families. Should authorities mandate an extension of the working period, familial bonds would inevitably suffer, leading to widespread discontentment among citizens.
For instance
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, in 2023, France witnessed widespread protests and violent riots in response to proposed increases in the
retirement
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age
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, highlighting the deep-seated discontent among workers.
Conversely
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, proponents argue that raising the
retirement
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age
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 is a necessary measure to address the strain on public finances. With advancements in healthcare leading to increased lifespans, retirees now draw upon pension funds for longer periods, placing a significant burden on governments.
However
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, it must be noted that these retirees have contributed substantially to the nation's economy during their working years, mitigating the purported economic strain.
For instance
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, Vietnam has maintained its
retirement
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age
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, recognizing the pivotal role of older generations in building a sustainable economy.
Moreover
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, an increase in the
retirement
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age
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 can exacerbate
unemployment
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 rates, particularly among older workers.
Age
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-related health issues often limit the productivity of older employees, rendering them less competitive in the job market.
Consequently
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, they may be forced out of the workforce, only to be replaced by younger, more agile counterparts.
This
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 phenomenon not only contributes to
unemployment
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 but
also
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 perpetuates
age
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 discrimination in the
labor
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labour
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 market. In conclusion,
while
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 proponents argue that raising the
retirement
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age
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 offers economic benefits, the adverse effects on worker well-being and
unemployment
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 are undeniable.
This
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 essay has elucidated the multifaceted implications of extending
retirement
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age
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, underscoring the need for a balanced approach to address economic challenges
while
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 safeguarding the welfare of the workforce.

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task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of raising the retirement age. Ensure to maintain this level of completeness in future essays.
task achievement
Ideas are clear and comprehensive, but be cautious to not overgeneralize. Further elaboration on the specific impacts on public finances might add depth and clarity to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central thesis of the essay. While the examples are relevant and specific, additional examples from different regions or sectors could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the logical structure of the essay is strong. Consider working on the transitional phrases to further smooth out the flow between sections and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly framing the essay and summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported by relevant and specific examples, which adds credibility and depth to the argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
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