IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Numerous
individuals
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 assert that
luck
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 plays a significant role in an individual's success.
Although
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 I acknowledge the influence of
luck
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 in assisting
individuals
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 in attaining their goals, I contend that diligent effort and unwavering determination are far more critical factors in driving an individual towards achievement. On the one hand, it is acknowledged that
luck
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 can play a substantial role in individual accomplishment.
For instance
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, humans born into affluent families have access to better educational opportunities and resources, enabling them to pursue entrepreneurship without the need for external financial support.
Consequently
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,
individuals
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 from privileged backgrounds tend to have greater prospects for success compared to those from disadvantaged socioeconomic backgrounds.
Additionally
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, some
individuals
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 are inherently endowed with exceptional talents that set them apart from the general populace.
For example
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, Mozart demonstrated musical proficiency from a young age,
while
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 Lionel Messi displayed exceptional football skills from birth.
However
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, it can be posited that
while
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luck
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 may play a role, it is not the primary determinant of triumph.
To begin
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 with, an individual must exhibit a strong work ethic and dedicate essential effort to their endeavours in order to accomplish prosperity.
For example
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, prior to attaining recognition as one of the top football players globally, Cristiano Ronaldo engaged in rigorous daily training for numerous years.
Additionally
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, the lack of determination can impede an individual's ability to attain their goals. Throughout the journey towards success,
individuals
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 may encounter various obstacles that necessitate perseverance in order to surmount these challenges. In summary,
although
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 I acknowledge the significance of
luck
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 in contributing to
individuals
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' gain, I contend that hard work and determination are paramount factors.

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task
While the essay provides a strong argument and clear structure, try to further develop your counter-argument in favor of luck with more evidence or specific examples. This will offer a more balanced view and strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more varied linking phrases and cohesive devices to guide the reader through your essay.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task
You effectively use specific examples to illustrate your points, making your arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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