IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

#countries #laws #limit #hours #employees #development
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There is
ongoing
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an ongoing
the ongoing
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 discourse about whether limiting working
hours
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 with
laws
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 is beneficial for
employees
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. Some might argue that it has negative impacts.
However
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, I firmly believe that these
laws
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 positively affect the working
environment
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. One of the reasons for introducing
laws
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 to limit working
hours
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 is to protect the physical and mental health of
employees
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. In the ever-changing business world, numerous companies require
employees
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 to achieve successful outcomes, which often leads to overtime
work
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. In the case of the movie industry, it is known for its hectic
environment
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 during filming. As production costs increase with each additional day, staff members try to finish filming as quickly as possible to reduce expenses.
This
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 often leads to physical and mental health issues among the staff. To address
this
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 issue,
laws
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 have been introduced to limit working
hours
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 in the film industry. Another reason for implementing
laws
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 to limit working
hours
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 is to provide
employees
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 with equal opportunities to gain economic benefits. If only specific
employees
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 were working overtime, others would not have the chance to learn the job.
For instance
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, in the case of McDonald's,
employees
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 typically
work
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according to
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 a shift schedule. If one employee works for an extended period, others might not get the opportunity to
work
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 even if they have available time.
This
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 situation can lead to financial issues for those not getting enough
hours
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.
As a result
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, working hour
laws
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 enable
employees
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 to experience a more equal working
environment
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.
To sum up
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, limiting working
hours
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 opens the door for
employees
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 to protect their physical and mental health and gain equal opportunities in the workplace. By ensuring that
employees
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 are not overworked and that
work
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 opportunities are fairly distributed, these
laws
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 create a more balanced and healthier working
environment
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 for everyone.
Submitted by imagelim329 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph consistently connects to the thesis statement. While the examples provided are relevant, occasionally reinforcing the connection to the overall thesis can enhance clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Add more detailed examples or further explanations to bolster the arguments. While the examples used are apt, providing additional supporting evidence can make the essay stronger.
structure
The essay has a clear and well-defined structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. This ensures that the reader understands the main argument from the start and can follow the progression of ideas.
examples
The arguments are logical and well-supported with relevant examples. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and strengthens the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
What to do next:
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