The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, the
internet
has become more popular and crucial for people’s life than before, however
, cyber crime
has Correct your spelling
cybercrime
also
been a significant issue. Some argue that the government should cope with this
problem and secure safety
of Correct article usage
the safety
users
. I partly agree with this
statement, but some problems are occured by this
idea.
Firstly
, since the number of cyber crime
is countless, Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
users
cannot avoid this
thread by
their own. Public organizations Change preposition
on
such
as goverments
can only deal with these, so they have the responsibility. Correct your spelling
governments
government
For example
, there are numerous pop-up viruses in internet
browsers, and
Correct word choice
apply
it
leads Correct pronoun usage
which
users
to get fraud or cyber crime
. They cannot remove these because there are hundreds of Correct your spelling
cybercrime
hinding
links are pastedCorrect your spelling
hiding
a
web page. Change preposition
on a
Thefore
, the Correct your spelling
Therefore
goverment
needs to not only block these websitesCorrect your spelling
government
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
control all of these
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
On the other hand
, managing the internet
Capitalize word
Internet
by
the government may cause Change preposition
apply
to happen
some issues Verb problem
apply
such
as privacy issues, which is not beneficial for people. In order to ensure the sasfety
of Correct your spelling
safety
users
, it is required to access to
personal information, which may become privacy problems. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, getting and saving personal data is too risky, and it frequently gets attacks
by Wrong verb form
attacked
huckers
. Correct your spelling
hackers
Thus
, managements
of the Fix the agreement mistake
management
internet
such
as collecting personal information has a thread of happening
serious problems.
In conclusion, Verb problem
apply
while
there is a merit of controlling the internet
by the givernment
, it Correct your spelling
government
also
has some disadvantages. Hence
, I partly argee
with Correct your spelling
agree
argue
this
statement, and the givernment
needs to consider both the pros and cons.Correct your spelling
government
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on
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task response
Your essay tackles the topic well, but it's crucial to ensure your points are clearer and better organized. Start by making sure each paragraph has a single clear point, and make sure to expand on it sufficiently.
coherence and cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with an introduction and conclusion. However, make sure your arguments flow more smoothly between paragraphs and ensure all points are well-connected.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but they could be more specific and varied to better illustrate your points. Consider adding more detailed examples to back up your arguments.
task response
You make a good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, bookending your essay nicely.
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