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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Engineering graduates from a London university did after their undergraduate degree course.The table shows the salaries of the Engineers in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Engineering graduates from a London university did after their undergraduate degree course.The table shows the salaries of the Engineers in work after five years.
The given pie graph provides data on Engineering
graduates's
Remove the s
graduates'
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 after graduated
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 undergraduate degree course, and the table graph shows their salaries after five
years'
Change noun form
years
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 in different three types of employment.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most
graudates
Correct your spelling
graduates
 choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth pointing out that the workers who
work
Use synonyms
 in the government
sector
Use synonyms
 earn
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their money over $100,000 more than the others. Looking at the pie graph in more detail, the percentage of graduates who choose
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 full-time job was the biggest
sector
Use synonyms
 at over half and followed by part-time
work
Use synonyms
, unemployed, full-time postgrad study, and part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and postgrad study at 15%, 12%, 8% and merely 5% respectively. As can be seen
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 table chart, the private companies
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 accounted for 10%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
$
Correct article usage
the $
show examples
25,000 to $49,999 salaries group and it was the highest.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the other two types of workers( freelance consultants and government
sector
Use synonyms
) were only 5% in the same
sector
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for private companies showed the lowest percentage at 30% in
over
Correct article usage
the over
show examples
 $100,000 payment group.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the graduates who
work
Use synonyms
 in the government
sector
Use synonyms
 took up 50%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same
payement
Correct your spelling
payment
 level.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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