IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Contained in the illustration are two pie charts pertaining to the reasons for people to come and leave a European country in 2009.

#illustration #two #people #european #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Generally speaking, company/family was the primary reason why residents moved into
this
 country
whereas
 definite jobs were why the community had to leave their place.
In addition
, no
reasons
 played the least significant role in both purposes. Beginning with the motivation behind immigrating to a European country,25% of people
immigrating
Wrong verb form
immigrated
show examples
 to find a company or family compared to 23% of those for a definite job.
This
 was followed by the figures for looking for a job, studying and other
reasons
 with 15%. The proportion of people relocating to
this
 area consisted of a minority of 7%. Turning to the remaining chart, definite jobs dominated the pie chart with 38%, followed by other
reasons
 with 23%.
Additionally
, there was a minimal gap between the catalyst behind the relocation to
this
 region with 15% and 13% of the figures for accompany or family and finding a job respectively. People moving to a European country for study and no specific
reasons
 comprised a small ratio of 7% and 4% in sequence
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay begins with a clear general overview, which is excellent. However, it would benefit from a clearer structure in the body paragraphs to ensure the reasons for immigrating and emigrating are easy to compare and contrast.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more streamlined structure. Consider breaking down your points more clearly with separate paragraphs dedicated to each major reason for immigrating and emigrating. Additionally, the logical flow between sentences could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Check for minor language use issues like missing spaces and ensuring consistent subject-verb agreements. Also, a conclusion summarizing the key points would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and informative introduction and gives a general overview of the main points, which sets a solid foundation.
task achievement
You used comparative language effectively to highlight the differences and similarities between the reasons for immigration and emigration.
task achievement
There is a commendable use of percentages and specific data points, which enhances the credibility and clarity of your explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: