We have three important part of education; reading, writing, and maths.Some people think every child will benefit from a fourth skill added to the list. Do you agree or disagree?
nowadays , there are three essential
part
of education , Fix the agreement mistake
parts
such
as reading , writing and maths. some people claim that it is beneficial if children
learn more skills
and fourth
skill Correct article usage
the fourth
added
to Add a missing verb
is added
this
list
.
to begin
with , these three part
of education are Fix the agreement mistake
parts
expecionally
good Correct your spelling
especially
exceptionally
skills
for children
. because all of these abilities are useful for their academic communication as well as
their personal lives . additionally
,every courses
Change to a singular noun
course
that teach
to Wrong verb form
taught
studends
Correct your spelling
students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
according to
their needs to having
a high-flying job. Wrong verb form
have
it is clear that
,
these courses are very important for their future.
Remove the comma
apply
Although
these are important part
of education , Fix the agreement mistake
parts
government
and authorities of teaching can add one course to Correct article usage
the government
this
list
. however
, if studends
have more Correct your spelling
students
skills
, they will improve more and better. moreover
, the students have enough time for
manage their time to study. Change preposition
to
Hence
, there is not
concern about that. Correct your spelling
no
moreover
, students should try to explore Correct pronoun usage
their surrounding
surrounding
with Replace the word
surroundings
learning
new Wrong verb form
learn
skills
.
in my opinion , one skill should add
to Wrong verb form
be added
this
list
. for instance
, art
. for several reasons. first , almost most children
like to be an artist. secondly
, there is not any art
ability at schools . third , in terms of mental , children
need to other
activities except Add a missing verb
do other
above
Correct article usage
the above
skills
. Thus
, I agree to add art
to this
list
.
to conclude
, academies have three main course
that are essential for everyone. Change to a plural noun
courses
on the other hand
, if schools creates
another course , Change the verb form
create
such
as art
, it has direct
positive effect on Add an article
a direct
children
.Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. For instance, 'because all of these abilities are useful for their academic communication as well as their personal lives' would be clearer as 'these abilities are useful for both academic communication and personal lives.'
task achievement
Include more concrete examples to support your points. For example, when stating that students need art for mental health, you could mention studies or expert opinions.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. For instance, use transition phrases like 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Moreover' appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph addresses a single idea and is well-developed. For example, your first body paragraph should fully explore the importance of the existing subjects before introducing the idea of an additional subject.
task achievement
You have identified the main elements of the topic and have addressed the prompt effectively by stating your opinion and elaborating on it.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The suggestion to add art as a fourth skill is well-argued and logical.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example