IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Write about the following topic: Some people think that housing facilities should be built in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others believe that parks should be set instead. Planting trees is very important for the environment. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#topic #people #facilities #areas #cities #towns #parks #trees #environment #minutes
In my opinion, Housing
facilities
 should be built in the empty areas of the cities and towns, The main reason I support
this
 option is that as we can see in today's world there is a mass migration from small towns and villages to cities in search of good jobs and better living standard because of
this
 the demand for houses is already been much higher
then
 the supply and if the supply did not continue to rise so there will be a shortage of housing
facilities
 in the coming future because of which the prices of houses will shoot up which might cause demand-pull inflation in the long run. A perfect example of
this
 situation is the city where I am currently living, Karachi, Pakistan. In recent 2 years, the rates of housing
facilities
 have risen by more than double,
This
 caused the rents
also
 to rise which became the main reason for the people's living standard to fall as their income which still the same. The other reason I support my point is that if there are parks built rather
then
 the housing
facilities
 will be of little to no use as they will not be in need.
However
, We should
also
 not forget that the growing population of cities and towns
also
 means a growing solution and, for that, parks are
also
 important as planting trees is smouch important for the environment so in the end we should see the thing which is most beneficial and demand by the people and the society and take decision
accordingly
.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and includes relevant examples. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout that affect clarity. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy or refining sentence constructions could help improve comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a brief conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are weak, making the essay slightly difficult to follow. Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with examples, which is good. However, some points could be developed further. Try to elaborate more on the reasons why housing demand is increasing and the potential long-term effects.
task achievement
You included a relevant example from your own knowledge and experience, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with distinct paragraphs, which helps in readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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