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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by ‎almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this ‎disturbing trend.

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It is evident that the proportion of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 in Western countries has increased by around 20% over the past ten years. Several factors contribute to
this
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 trend, but effective solutions can be implemented to address the issue. On the one hand, the rise in the number of overweight
children
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 over the
last
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 decade can be attributed to several reasons. One major factor is uncontrolled eating habits among
children
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. They are heavily influenced by attractive advertisements for unhealthy foods and drinks, which encourage excessive consumption.
Additionally
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,
children
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 often develop the habit of snacking
while
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 watching TV, leading them to consume more calories than necessary. Another contributing factor is the lack of regular physical activity. In modern times,
children
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 are increasingly drawn to indoor entertainment options
such
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 as television and smartphones.
As a result
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, they spend long hours sitting
instead
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 of engaging in outdoor activities like walking or running, which
further
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 contributes to weight gain.
On the other hand
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, various solutions can be implemented to tackle
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, parents play a crucial role in providing healthier food choices for their
children
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.
For instance
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, they can encourage kids to eat more vegetables and reduce their consumption of fast food, which is often high in calories. Parents can
also
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 motivate
children
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 to exercise regularly, promoting a healthier lifestyle.
Secondly
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, governments can raise awareness about the negative impacts of childhood obesity. By disseminating information through public campaigns, they can educate parents on how to better care for their
children
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's health and prevent obesity. In conclusion, the proportion of overweight
children
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 in Western countries has risen by approximately 20% in the past ten years
due to
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 various factors,
such
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 as unhealthy eating habits and insufficient physical activity.
However
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, with the implementation of practical solutions like promoting healthy eating and increasing public awareness,
this
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 issue can be effectively addressed.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more specific examples and statistics to support your points. You might consider citing specific studies or mentioning specific unhealthy food items or activities known to influence children's weight.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, continue to use clear topic sentences and linking words. However, try to vary the types of transitions and connectors to avoid repetition.
task achievement
The essay offers a comprehensive response to the task, covering both causes and solutions. It effectively outlines the main factors contributing to obesity and possible solutions without straying from the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively integrating the main points.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph maintains focus on a specific aspect of the issue, providing a clear and organized progression of ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • advancements in technology
  • physical activities
  • availability
  • popularity
  • fast food
  • high-calorie
  • marketed aggressively
  • preferred choice
  • lack of awareness
  • education
  • healthy eating habits
  • nutritional values
  • dietary choices
  • physical
  • psychological
  • risk
  • developing
  • serious health problems
  • diabetes
  • high blood pressure
  • heart disease
  • bullying
  • social isolation
  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • long-term impact
  • quality of life
  • personal and professional life
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