Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
today
digital's age, some critics argue that more and more
people
are dependent on each other,
while
others
think that
people
have become more independent.
This
author agrees with the latter viewpoint that
people
prefer to be dependent rather than independent. It must be recognized that teenagers rely on each other commonly
today
.
This
is because, they are overprotected by their family, especially their
parents
.
As a result
, they are in their comfort zone and they have no challenges to be mature.
This
means they cannot have formative years and enter adult
life
due to
the timidity and shyness that come from the protection of their
parents
. They do not dare to embark on interrogation leading to an independent
life
.
For instance
,
today
, which university to go to is decided by the
parents
and the
children
will be at their
parents
' discretion
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why
people
are more dependent on
others
.
However
, some supporters say that
people
are not contingent on
others
.
This
belief is based on individuals's circumstances in their lives.
This
means some households have insufficient conditions for caring for
children
leading to them having to be self-combing and facing hard work to earn a living and succeed in their lives.
Furthermore
, some teenagers would like to be more mature that they do what they like and make their own decisions.
This
point may be true, but in a toxic society,
people
tend to rely on each other and live a safe
life
. From
this
writer's experience,
people
prefer to be dependent.
This
is because there are many evil elements in
today
's society so the
children
will depend on their
parents
under the overprotection from their
parents
.
Nevertheless
,
due to
the development of the countries, many households are more conditional and wealthier and
parents
tend to do everything for their
children
. In conclusion,
this
essay has shown that the main factors which impact
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
are more and more dependent on
others
.
Therefore
, the dependent
life
is more favourable than the independent one.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph directly supports your thesis to maintain focus and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to enhance the support for your main points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy to make room for more content or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The theme of dependency vs independence is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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