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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In the contemporary era, crime is a serious problem, and there are many arguments on how to reduce the number of criminals. A range of individuals think that a longer period of prison sentences will solve
this
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 issue, meanwhile, their counterparts do not agree and argue that there are other better ways to reduce the crimes. Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, a variety of societies have a strong belief that the main purpose of being punished by longer jail will deter people from committing crimes.
For instance
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, Queensland is a state in Australia where the rate of youth crimes is incredibly high. The Federal government passed a new law that charges children as young as ten subject to the same penalties as adults if they are being convicted. Previously, young offenders
with
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convicted of murder were 10 years in jail, but the new rule punishes mandatory life detention with a non-parole period of 20 years. There was a positive consequence in 2022 when
the
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young criminals hit their lowest rate in recorded history and have remained relatively steady.
On the other hand
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, I and others have contrary
thinking
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thoughts
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 of substituting for punishment
such
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 as harsher supervision or sentence to death will decrease the crime rate. In my opinion as a
taxed payer
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taxpayer
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, the longer serious offenders are kept in prison, the more wasted tax
of
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citizens pay.
Instead
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 of serving them behind
the
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bars, they will be a great source of labour to contribute to
the societies
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society
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.
For example
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, the violent and dangerous offenders who are under-supervised by the digital ankle chain will be placed in construction sites to assist the building companies or they could be working as farmers when the harvesting season comes. The preferred way is a sentence to death will show a powerful warning to any individual who is going to commit a crime.
To conclude
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,
although
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 I acknowledge that longer imprisonment might be an effective punishment, I am of the opinion that strict supervision and death have forceful deterrents to hold people accountable for their actions.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on the examples and explanations you provide. This will help deepen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. You can use linking words and cohesive devices to make your arguments more interconnected.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly, which is essential for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the two perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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