IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Living an unhealthy lifestyle has become a common practice among
children
Use synonyms
, and it can be solved by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 many people;
however
Linking Words
, others oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea. Owing to proper supervision and more influence of schools and houses convinced me that
children
Use synonyms
's bad lifestyle could be encountered easily by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
. The predominant reason to support the former view is the careful monitoring of youngsters. Since
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time at educational institutes and at houses, their
parents
Use synonyms
 and tutors guide them to adopt healthy
practices
Use synonyms
 and make them understand the difference between good and bad. More specifically,
children
Use synonyms
 are not mature enough to differentiate the bad
practices
Use synonyms
 from the good ones, thereby seeking guidance from their tutors and
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will assist them to adopt healthy
practices
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey report shows that 85% of
children
Use synonyms
 adopt healthy
practices
Use synonyms
 after their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 work collaboratively to instil good manners.
Besides
Linking Words
 monitoring
children
Use synonyms
, another reason is having a direct influence. If
parents
Use synonyms
 and tutors are following healthy lifestyles in their lives,
children
Use synonyms
 automatically follow them because
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 are their role models and young ones will imitate their actions.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 learn to live their lives by getting information from their surroundings.
For instance
Linking Words
, had the
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 in the United States not consumed packed foods from outside, their
children
Use synonyms
 would not have developed a habit of eating junk food.
Consequently
Linking Words
, youngsters do not feel anything wrong in these lifestyle patterns. In conclusion,
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for solving the issue of unhealthy lifestyles of
children
Use synonyms
 because I think, their strict vigilance and influence on
children
Use synonyms
 bring a change in
children
Use synonyms
's lifestyles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph flows more smoothly into the next. Using transition words or phrases can help bridge ideas between paragraphs more seamlessly.
task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, further elaboration on the counter-arguments would enhance the depth of the discussion. Balancing the argument can make your position more robust.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported, with relevant examples provided. This strengthens your overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • physical activities
  • nutritious meals
  • physical education classes
  • curriculum
  • workshops
  • societal norms
  • advertising
  • peer pressure
  • government policies
  • community programs
  • environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: