IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
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People have different points of view about whether having easy access to
food
Use synonyms
 produced all over the world is positive. Personally, I agree with the convenience
this
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 trend bringing to
consumers
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;
however
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, there are still several problems for the local farmers and
merchants
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 that can't be ignored. At
first,
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as far as
consumers
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 are concerned, buying various exotic products at local supermarkets without going abroad is
such
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 a giant benefit.
Although
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 there might be an extra fee people have to afford compared to buying products in those countries, it is always cheaper a lot than a flying ticket.
Besides
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 the good bargains people can get, the opportunity to experience
food
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 in different countries no longer belongs to the well-off only;
that is
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, everyone has a chance to learn about abundant culture through the
food
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.
For example
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, from all sorts of cheese from Europe or tea from the United Kingdom, we can learn about their unique lifestyles.
Nevertheless
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, despite the fact that importing foreign
food
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 has some benefits for
consumers
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, there is a negative impact on local farmers
as well as
Linking Words
merchants
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. Since
food
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 from other countries is possibly in the same category as local
food
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, local
food
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 turns out to be not only choice for
consumers
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.
Therefore
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, the quality or price becomes
factor
Add an article
a factor
show examples
 in the decision
while
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 purchasing. Under
this
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 circumstance, local farmers and
merchants
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 have to compete with foreign
food
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 by better quality or lower prices so as to attract
consumers
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 to buy, which causes them not only cost but
also
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 tremendous stress.
Finally
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, it might end up that local agriculture is in regression and even gradually deteriorating. In conclusion, I consider that there are pros and cons in importing
food
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 to a certain degree, but how to keep a balance between benefitting
consumers
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 and protecting local
merchants
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 at the same time is an important issue for the government, or it might turn out to put the national
food
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-related industry in danger.
Submitted by jeanwen2001 on

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task achievement
Ensure all points and examples directly support your thesis. For example, the benefits of local shopping can be expanded with specific examples or data.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more effectively to enhance the flow between your points. Phrases like "on the other hand" could help make the transitions smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing key points effectively.
task achievement
You have thoughtfully addressed both sides of the argument, reflecting a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good command of the English language, with a variety of vocabulary used appropriately.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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