IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
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It is argued that the priority of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is spending expenditure to extend the quality of private vehicle roads like cars and motors
instead
Linking Words
 of investing in
Use synonyms
transport
Add an article
the transport
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system
Use synonyms
 of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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. From my perspective, I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 some reasons and providing a concluding view for both
phenomenon
Change to a plural noun
phenomena
show examples
 following the essay. On the one hand, I would agree that spending
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 on upgrading the path of private cars is very efficient.
In other words
Linking Words
, in Vietnam,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people have almost
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 personal vehicles
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, the main
strategies
Fix the agreement mistake
strategy
show examples
 of
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing the convenience of traffic circulation.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
transport
Add an article
the transport
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system
Use synonyms
 of
central
Add an article
the central
a central
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 city like HCM city in Vietnam,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is crowded frequently
due to
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 a lot of residents and workers in here moving every day so investing
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 route of personal vehicles
are
Change the verb form
is
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 justifiable.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 issue will observe a decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traffic congestion, improving the comfort
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
transport
Add an article
the transport
show examples
system
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that enhancing
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 is
also
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 essential to ensure the quality of social life better.
That is
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 to say, nowadays,
large
Change the article
a large
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 amount of employers
focuses
Change the verb form
focus
show examples
 on gathering metropolitan
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to gain the opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 jobs. Thence, developing the transportation in public
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
adopt it. That will make the circulation in busy
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 become allocated reasonably.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation contributes
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 pollution.
For instance
Linking Words
, buses and trains now are operated by electric power
instead
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 of gasoline fuel. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 will decrease the air pollution and noise pollution.
As a result
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, the state doesn’t have to waste large money to reduce the
polluted
Replace the word
pollution
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 issue. In conclusion, investing in roads and motorways is not as effective as in public transportation systems
due to
Linking Words
 the superior characteristics of saving resources and protecting the environment.
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Task Response
Structure your introduction more clearly by directly stating the extent of your agreement or disagreement in a separate thesis statement. This clarifies your position from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate transitions more effectively to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' 'On the other hand,' etc.
Task Response
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic by discussing both the importance of private vehicle roads and public transport systems.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, contributing to the coherence and clarity of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
What to do next:
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