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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your own

#people #teenagers #focus #subjects
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Nowadays, some
people
 believe young
students
 should pay attention to all courses fairly,
while
 others suggest focusing only on what they find entertaining. Both of the perspectives are worth discussing. It is understandable that
people
 only want to study the
subjects
 that are potentially useful to them and enjoy the most, but balancing all can give
people
 great useful help to become a comprehensive person. Even if you are entering a math field in future, being able to understand more than one language is
also
 deeply useful.
For example
, learning a second language by being bilingual can let you express mathematical theory towards a wider range of
people
 and introduce it through conversation.
On the other hand
, it is true that only paying attention to core
subjects
 or the
subjects
 they are good at can make
students
 easier to understand and study during the process. A case in point is the
students
 who already had specific aims for the university and field. It is better for them to only focus on the
subjects
 that they enjoy the most and get the greatest achievement at the same time.
However
, in the general view,
that is
 a lack of diversity to have omnipotent useful skills.
Overall
, from my perspective, I would prefer to suggest
students
 concentrate on all
subjects
 rather than their preferences because of the potential obtainable comprehensive beneficial rewards in the future.
To sum up
, two different focus points in the study can lead to different consequences. There are no wrong or right choices, but equally concentrating on all
subjects
 can let
students
 grow up evenly.
Submitted by l2334993624 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a logical flow. However, ensure that you further develop each point in the body paragraphs to allow for a better understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, you have addressed both sides of the argument, but consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your points and present a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction does well to set the stage for the discussion and encapsulates the main topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarises your argument, maintaining a good summary of your standpoint.
task achievement
You addressed the task prompt by discussing both perspectives, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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