Many offices and shools have open-space design. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years, more and more buildings, including offices and educational institutions, have been designed with the concept of open space rather than having separate rooms. In my opinion,
this
is a negative development that can lead to a lack of privacy and poor efficiency at work. One significant issue that can be noted from
this
design
is that
employees
will likely file more complaints regarding their privacy. It is apparent that the more
open-space
offices are built, the less personal space
employees
have.
That is
to say,
such
a
design
can clearly make
employees
feel that they are being monitored by colleagues and leaders all the time. In
this
way, human rights are likely to be invaded, which could lead to serious consequences, namely strikes and demonstrations. In a world where privacy is a basic human right for every citizen, architects must take
this
problem into consideration when they want to have an
open-space
design
, if not, negative consequences will come up. Another obvious problem is that poor efficiency can arise from
open-space
design
. To explain
further
, it is inconvenient for people to concentrate on their work and study because when everyone sits in the same place, they can be interrupted easily. Even worse, in some cases, the environment will be noisy, and
this
undoubtedly can lower staff performance. If,
for example
, the
employees
in the office start laughing because of a silly joke, everyone can be affected, and important tasks, namely interviews or meetings, can be distracted owing to the constant noise.
Hence
,
open-space
design
will decrease the efficiency of work.
To sum up
,
although
it has become more popular for open
design
, I believe that it has brought a lot of problems for
this
to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could be more developed to enhance depth and clarity. Adding more varied and detailed examples can help to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the logical flow of ideas. Using transitional phrases and maintaining a clear connection between points can make your argument more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining coherence.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, making it easier for the reader to understand your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task with a detailed analysis of both the privacy and efficiency issues related to open-space design.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: