There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Nowadays,
music
is easily accessible worldwide with various types.The importance of this
and comparison between the traditional and international music
will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
It is true to say that music
is inevitable due to
everyone can listen to music
on their phones,in community malls and even in movies that insert music
in the scene in order to enhance emotions, as music
has the ability to change people
’s moods.Moreover
,there are studies that show not only music
therapy can help patients who are diagnosed with major depression to cope with the disease but Add a missing verb
does music
also
reduces heart rate,blood pressure, anxiety
, and improves sleep quality in normal Correct word choice
and anxiety
people
.
Besides
that,since there is global internalization nowadays.People
have various choices in types of music
,roughly divided into traditional and international music
.In my opinion,each type of music
has its own importance. Even though, some people
think that people
in the nation have the duty to preserve traditional music
as it represents the nation’s culture so that the country’s roots will not disappear as time passes.On the other hand
, nowadays citizens have more choices to select from depending on their styles and thus
should not be forced to listen to only their own traditional music
.If traditional music
has its own values,it will not disappear simply because these days people
can listen to music
all around the world so there will be people
in other nations who listen to our music
and see its value.For instance
, K-pop music
from Korea has become popular worldwide.
Clearly,music
is part of people
’s lives that can not be avoided.The reason why is its benefit to people
’s mental health.Whether traditional or international music
has its own uniqueness.Submitted by chawanat.pla on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve sentence structure and clarity by using varied sentence lengths and clear transitions. This will help you present your ideas more logically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the main arguments and ensure that each paragraph conveys a single, clear idea. Some ideas were a bit scattered.
Task Achievement
Refine your introduction to clearly state the main purpose of the essay and what will be discussed to enhance clarity for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, helping frame the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as the mention of K-pop's international appeal, effectively illustrate the points made.
Task Achievement
You show a good understanding of the benefits of music in people's daily lives and its importance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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