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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
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Nowadays,
music
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 is easily accessible worldwide with various types.The importance of
this
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 and comparison between the traditional and international
music
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 will be discussed in the following paragraphs. It is true to say that
music
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 is inevitable
due to
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 everyone can listen to
music
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 on their phones,in community malls and even in movies that insert
music
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 in the scene in order to enhance emotions, as
music
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 has the ability to change
people
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’s moods.
Moreover
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,there are studies that show not only
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music
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does music
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 therapy can help patients who are diagnosed with major depression to cope with the disease but
also
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 reduces heart rate,blood pressure,
anxiety
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and anxiety
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, and improves sleep quality in normal
people
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.
Besides
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 that,since there is global internalization nowadays.
People
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 have various choices in types of
music
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,roughly divided into traditional and international
music
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.In my opinion,each type of
music
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 has its own importance. Even though, some
people
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 think that
people
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 in the nation have the duty to preserve traditional
music
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 as it represents the nation’s culture so that the country’s roots will not disappear as time passes.
On the other hand
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, nowadays citizens have more choices to select from depending on their styles and
thus
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 should not be forced to listen to only their own traditional
music
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.If traditional
music
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 has its own values,it will not disappear simply because these days
people
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 can listen to
music
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 all around the world so there will be
people
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 in other nations who listen to our
music
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 and see its value.
For instance
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, K-pop
music
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 from Korea has become popular worldwide. Clearly,
music
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 is part of
people
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’s lives that can not be avoided.The reason why is its benefit to
people
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’s mental health.Whether traditional or international
music
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 has its own uniqueness.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve sentence structure and clarity by using varied sentence lengths and clear transitions. This will help you present your ideas more logically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the main arguments and ensure that each paragraph conveys a single, clear idea. Some ideas were a bit scattered.
Task Achievement
Refine your introduction to clearly state the main purpose of the essay and what will be discussed to enhance clarity for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, helping frame the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as the mention of K-pop's international appeal, effectively illustrate the points made.
Task Achievement
You show a good understanding of the benefits of music in people's daily lives and its importance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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