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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries ,there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

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A common trend occurring frequently in the modern day is the proliferation of education which is taught by
parents
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.
Although
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 many point out that learning at home might help children to have more practical experience, I would argue that the drawbacks for teenagers as a whole overshadow these perceived benefits. One of the main disadvantages is the lack of knowledge which can have negative impacts on the way that a child's brain develops. With education
that is
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 related to schools, students can improve some specific skills through highly qualified teachers.
Due to
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 the fact that various teachers with qualifications might be better than guardians who have experience in many fields but are not specialized. Another point to consider is that sending youngster to school can lend a hand to them to expand their relationships. In school, students can communicate and take part in a team to make friends
,
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apply
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while
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 studying accommodation, a child can only have a talk with their
parents
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, which will easily cause isolation in adolescents.
For example
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, homeschooling is very common in many countries
such
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 as the USA and England.
However
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, that phenomenon means there will be more autistic children who have difficulty with social problems. There was,
however
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 , a large number of guardians who felt that teaching students themselves is better
due to
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 the convenience that it leads to. Homeschooling may have many benefits
such
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 as flexible time, no school fees and there will be a connection of young individuals with their
parents
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.
According to
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 "The Book Land", in
England
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England,
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 there are approximately 90% of
parents
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 who choose to educate their children at home because of numerous study environments.
To sum up
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, despite the usefulness of learning at home to both adults and teenagers ,the lack of comprehensive education may cause a profound drawback to each child.

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, which is good. However, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. Consider elaborating more on the advantages of homeschooling to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The arguments are generally logical, but some points could be further developed for better clarity. For instance, expand on how the lack of specialized knowledge and social interactions can negatively impact children.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main point that is well-supported with specific examples or evidence. This will help improve the coherence of your essay.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's stance, setting the stage for the discussion.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's opinion, providing a strong ending to the essay.
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