IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's age, social
media
 has deeply infiltrated everyone's life and is believed to replace
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction. From my perspective, the advantages of being bullied on the Internet and the reduction in assessing direct contacts eclipse the advantages of connecting
people
. On the one hand, the primary beneficial factor of using social
media
 is that it can connect
people
 to be closer.
This
 is because there are loads of networking sites allowing individuals with similar senses of interests to have a chat with each other.
Therefore
, it will gradually form many positive relationships from discussing a topic together.
For example
, millions of bonds have been created, thanks to Facebook, which permits users to communicate with others.
On the other hand
, the disadvantage of being the victim of
cypher
Correct your spelling
cyber
show examples
 bullying needs to be considered. As there has been a limitation in strict rules and regulations in managing individuals' speech,
people
 can freely express their opinions on social
media
 regardless of toxic contents in them which absolutely pose an adverse influence on the ones suffering. For that reason,
this
 lack of censorship leads to plenty of problems relating to one's welfare,
such
 as stress and depression.
Furthermore
, the overuse of social
media
 can
also
 be the cause of the importance's downplay of direct contact. When the screen time is far too high, users will get used to living in the virtual world which can make them feel isolated from real-life conversations
due to
 the loss of necessary communication skills.
Therefore
,
people
 will not prioritize and notice the significance of face-to-face interaction anymore. In conclusion,
although
 social
media
 brings about the benefit of bonding strangers
to become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
closer, the downsides of social
media
 replacing direct conversations are more significant than the good
side's
Change the noun form
sides
side
show examples
because of the above-mentioned ideas.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This can help illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
You have comprehensively covered the task and provided a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: