Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#emphasis #education #government #money #time #activity #people

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There has been a common belief that

people

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who are divided in their opinion regarding

education

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have a vital role in the formative future of the young generation.

However

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, there are some debaters that government funding should support free

time

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activities

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. From my perspective,

both

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views have their merits, I agree with

both

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statements. The following essay takes a look at

both

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views. On the one hand, investing in the

education

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of young

people

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is crucial for their personal development, future opportunities and the

overall

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well-being of society.

In particular

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education

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plays a fundamental role in equipping young generations with essential knowledge,

skills

Correct word choice

and skills

show examples

to succeed in life, pursue their passions, and contribute meaningfully to society.

For example

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, students from European universities are the clearest proof,

their

Correct word choice

that their

show examples

education

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system is carefully invested to ensure the quality of their students after graduation.

Moreover

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, investing in

education

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can

increased

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

employment opportunities, higher earning potential, and

overall

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societal progress.

On the other hand

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, providing funding for free

time

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activities

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for young

people

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also

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important in promoting their holistic growth and well-rounded development. Engaging in free

time

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activities

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such

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as sports, arts, and music can enhance young

people

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's creativity, social skills, physical well-being, and mental health. Creating extracurricular or physical

activities

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also

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a way to help young

people

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feel less pressured after stressful classes, create a more relaxed mind, and stimulate the development of the brain and thinking.

For instance

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, adding some physical

education

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classes during study

time

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helps students have

time

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both

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exercise physically and relax their minds. In conclusion,

both

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education

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and extracurricular play complementary roles in shaping well-rounded individuals who are not only academically proficient but

also

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socially adept, physically active, and emotionally resilient.

Wed Jun 05 2024

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introduction conclusion

Try to sharpen your thesis statement in the introduction. While you mention that both views have merits, make it clearer which side you lean towards, or state explicitly that you fully agree with both perspectives.

logical structure

Ensure transitional phrases are smooth and well-connected. Phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are effective, but ensure all paragraphs flow logically from one to another.

supported main points

Support your points with more specific examples. You mentioned European universities, but giving more detailed descriptions or statistics can strengthen your argument.

complete response

Your essay addresses both perspectives effectively, considering both the importance of education and recreational activities. This balanced approach demonstrates depth in your analysis.

logical structure

The structure of your essay is clear and logical, with distinctive paragraphs for introduction, argumentation, and conclusion.

relevant specific examples

You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning European universities adds credibility to your arguments about education quality.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

You bought a piece of furniture from a store in another town recently. there is a problem with the item you purchased. write a letter to the store manager. in your letter Explain the details of your purchase. Describe the problem that you have with it suggest what can be done about it

Although families have influence on a children’s development, factors outside the home play a bigger part in their lives nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?