IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rether than society. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #rether #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that scholarships for university education are not necessary because they are useless for society. From
this
 writer's perspective, it is an essential thing because of the
income
tax
 for the individuals and the promotion of the learners. It can be understood that everyone must pay the
income
tax
 for the government. The students are not an exception, they must pay it in the future when they have their career's revenue.
Consequently
, it will contribute a spark to the national budget,
this
 money is the most important part of the capital for the improvement of the community's facilities. Take Denmark
for example
, people must spend around 37% of their salary on
income
tax
 and gain spectacular society facilities including scholarships for learners in all levels of education.
Additionally
, the scholarship can be a sign of promotion from the university or government to the pupils. They will be motivated by it and spend more effort on their studying.
Hence
, that can improve the average band score of the students and lead to a higher quality of undergraduate.
As a result
, the quality of future employees in companies can increase and bring about the development of associations. From prior knowledge, with the increase in scholarships, the GPA of pupils in universities can rise by about 35 to 45%. In conclusion, scholarship is a necessary investment because of the
income
tax
 and the promotion of studying.
Therefore
, it should have been more policy to increase the financial aid for the development of civilization.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement that directly answers the essay prompt. This helps in framing the essay better.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and evidence to back up your main points. This adds strength to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain logical progression between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct point connected to the topic.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework within which to present and wrap up ideas.
structure
You have made a good attempt to support your main points with examples, which adds context to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: