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Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people believe that
art
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 classes play a pivotal role in children’s growth,
therefore
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, it must be taught in high schools. The writer partly disagrees with
this
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 statement because of several reasons which will be explained in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it must be acknowledged that
art
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 would contribute to the child’s mental development. There is no doubt that people could express all their emotions and personality through these paintings or drawings.
Moreover
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, people would have a wider observation of the background contained in these pieces, so they will easily identify with the artists about the emotional situation.
Therefore
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, these types of
art
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 would significantly boost children’s development and other skills namely creativity, intelligence and independence.
As a result
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, applying to many classes could help young generations become more and more sympathetic to others, especially to families with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difficult backgrounds.
However
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, I am
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 about applying
art
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 as an important subject in senior high school.
This
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 is because not every student would
not
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apply
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find the
art
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 contained in these paintings to be amazing and appealing to their mind.
Thus
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, it is the main cause of many pranks during the period, which mainly arise from the boredom and stress of these students.
Furthermore
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, some students,
for instance
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, do not have the ability to draw, so they would get into trouble with achieving a high score. For these reasons, it is understandable that applying
art
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 as a compulsory subject as others would impact development
due to
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 its ineffective. In conclusion, there is an advantage of enhancing children’s emotions in order to face emotional circumstances, but I argue that it would negatively affect students, particularly is who are not good at
this
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 subject, during
this
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 period.

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task achievement
It is important to ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument in a balanced manner. In this case, focusing on both the benefits and drawbacks of including art classes as a compulsory subject is good, but you can improve balance. For example, consider providing additional examples for the drawbacks of making art compulsory.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally has a clear flow of ideas, but there are some areas where the ideas could be better linked. Using transition words or phrases to connect your points more effectively can help improve coherence and cohesion. For example, use 'additionally,' 'on the other hand,' or 'moreover' to show the relationship between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Including more specific examples can make your argument stronger and more relatable. Try to give real-life or hypothetical scenarios where compulsory art classes have shown both positive and negative impacts, to further support your points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frames your essay. This is good practice and should always be followed.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized, and you have addressed both sides of the argument which shows a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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