IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advanatges?

#differences #countries #people #films #brands #advertisements #tv #channels #outweigh #advanatges
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In light of the proliferation of technology, people are able to communicate worldwide, leading to cross-cultural interactions.
Therefore
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, the disparities between countries are shortened,
result
Change the form of the verb
resulting
show examples
 in a trend of watching the same TV
programs
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 companies can promote their
products
Use synonyms
 through
this
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 tendency,
this
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 writer contends that it may cause ethnocide and conflicts between countries. There is no doubt that bridging the gap between nations
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 opportunities for national brands to advertise. Specifically, by abbreviating the distance of countries, those companies can expand their marketplace easily and
exporting
Replace the word
export
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products
Use synonyms
 globally. It is evident that retailers can recognize the current trend of customers and fulfill their demand through
overall
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 TV
programs
Use synonyms
,
therefore
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,
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the excessive
products
Use synonyms
 to gain profit.
For instance
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,
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
 record has consistently shown that teenagers are more likely to gravitate toward luxury fashion brands, by comprehending
this
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, former companies could give suitable plans
satisfy
Fix the infinitive
to satisfy
show examples
this
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. Notwithstanding the aforementioned advantage,
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 watching
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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 not only cause culture loss
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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on contrary
also
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 create arguments among residents. If viewers depend on watching foreign shows, there will be
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 traditional channels and
programs
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, causing
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 in national culture.
Consequently
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, ethnocide is going to happen which may lead to
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of a country.
Besides
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 that, it is vital to understand that each nation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different cultures causing
to
Change preposition
apply
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several
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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,
therefore
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, conflicts are inevitable. Those arguments will make the friendship between states
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
worsen
Replace the word
worse
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. Taking Vietnam and China as a prime example, despite
previous
Change the adjective
previously
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existed
Replace the word
existing
show examples
 arguments, residents there are still watching and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the same tendency,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 more and more conflicts occur leading to bad foreign
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
. In conclusion, the benefit of promoting
products
Use synonyms
 is eclipsed by the drawbacks of possible ethnocide and dissension among inhabitants.
Thus
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
TV
programs
Use synonyms
 should not be observed worldwide.
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task achievement
Ensure your argument is clearly developed and consistently supported throughout your essay. Some points feel underdeveloped or lack clear support.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using overly complex vocabulary if simpler words will do. Some sentences could be clearer with simpler phrasing.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures for a better overall flow. Minor grammatical errors distract from readability.
task achievement
You have introduced a relevant topic and made clear arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that support the central theme.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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