IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
The majority of individuals say that so much attention and many foods,and drinks are given in the defence of
livestock
 and many
birds
.
This
 essay is about wildlife and its protection. And addition , we keep
animals
 of extended species.
To begin
 with, I partly agree. Many
livestock
 live in the forest and some types of extended species are kept in the special areas.
Besides
,
people
 pay much attention to
animals
, because,
animals
 are helpful to
people
. So,
people
 spend many resources,
food
Correct word choice
and food
show examples
 for wild
animals
. The prime example of how
this
 scheme works is Uzbekistan's Red Book. There are different
birds
,
animals
 and plants.
Moreover
, they are extended species. If we do not protect
animals
 or some types of
birds
, they will disappear and our ecosystem will suffer.
However
,
animals
 sometimes attack humans when they are nervous. So,
people
 do not want to feed
livestock
.
Moreover
, some sort of
birds
 live everywhere. Another reason is
birds
 eat different fruits, vegetables and soft foods that are not edible. So, I from time to time dislike
birds
.
Furthermore
,
that is
 very messy. The vital reason is we feed up the
birds
, so, they come back to our garden to eat our crops.
To sum up
, I agree.
Due to
this
,
animals
 and some sort of
birds
 enhance our ecology and improve fresh
foods'
Change noun form
foods
show examples
 quality.
Also
,
birds
 fertilize plants, flowers and trees and
this
 very productivity our environment.
Therefore
, we should keep and defend our helpful friends. We live well and breathe easily because of
livestock
.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear stance is presented in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your viewpoints. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more logically by arranging ideas and paragraphs in a way that they flow naturally from one to the next. This helps to guide the reader through your argument coherently.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly and smoothly. This will make your argument more cohesive and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: