In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, politicians are planning to reposition many facilities to a group that
have
particular use. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
This
policy has raise
advantages in convenience and freedom of Wrong verb form
raised
choices
can outweigh the disadvantages in competition.
It should be acknowledged that arranging buildings Fix the agreement mistake
choice
to
specific areas can help citizens use the service immediately.by having Change preposition
in
shops
or hospitals in a group, these will offer a particular duty for people and they can easily reach their favourable service with travel. This
is
not only benefits consumers in convenient purchasing but Unnecessary verb
apply
also
saving
Wrong verb form
saves
the
energy resources. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, consumers in Arab Saudi mentioned in a newspaper that finding shops
in the
special place was much more interesting than it used to be. Correct article usage
a
Therefore
, this
plan should be considered to apply in a global range.
Another factor should
be considered is the variety of choices. When grouping similar facilities together, users can make decisions carefully and Correct pronoun usage
that should
finding
the best choices for them. The sellers in the area Wrong verb form
find
also
benefits
from Change the verb form
benefit
this
policy by having their reputation and belief from consumers. According to
VNExpress, many shopkeepers in Vietnam, especially from flower stores, prefer arranging their shops
to a near
location, in order to appeal Correct word choice
nearby
more
customers to their Change preposition
to more
shops
.
However
, this
action will raise a dishonest completion
among sellers. Correct your spelling
competition
Although
competition in trading is unavoidable, this
behavior
can affect badly on honest sellers. The dishonest ones are individuals Change the spelling
behaviour
can
use any unscrupulous methods on other to Correct pronoun usage
who can
rise
their product’s status in consumer’s eyes. Correct your spelling
raise
As a result
, bad quality products from unscrupulous ones are given to users and lower user’s experience also
the reputation of some well-known facilities.
Rephrase
as well as
To conclude
, the benefits of convenience and freedom can overshadow its serious drawbacks in completion. Thus
, this
plan should be on scheme to develop the world and level
of happiness among citizens despite many obstacles overhead.Correct article usage
the level
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with examples or explanations. Currently, some points, especially those related to competition and the effects on honest sellers, lack depth and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by clearly outlining each part of the argument. This can be enhanced by using signposting phrases and clearly delineating paragraphs for each new point.
task achievement
Refine your writing for grammatical accuracy and range. Pay attention to sentence fragments and ensure each sentence has a clear subject-verb-object structure. For example, “This is not only benefits...” should be corrected to “This not only benefits...
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position. The current conclusion touches on the main benefits but could be more concise and impactful.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally coherent, with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, though sometimes lacking detail, do add to the points you are making. For instance, mentioning consumers in Saudi Arabia and shopkeepers in Vietnam offers a global perspective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example