IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #education
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In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of educating children at home
instead
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 of sending them to
school
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.
This
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 writer believes that the economic assets cannot outweigh the disadvantages of the deficit in
society
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 interaction and soft skills. It is vital to understand that homeschooling cannot offer a likelihood of contact with
society
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.
This
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 is because homeschooling looks forward to serving an individual or a small group, which is its biggest disadvantage and can lead to many problems in the future.
As a result
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, they may not know about how the world operates and will create a lot of arguments with
society
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. CNN’s surveillance in 2014 showed that 80% of homeschooling leads to autism and almost all of them have the signals of ASD.
However
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, there is a marginal number of people who foster homeschooling and look down on conservative education. They argue that it is more profitable than
school
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due to
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 the cut down in numerous fees.
This
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 may be true, but by the effort of the government to decrease
this
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 fee by the government, it can be more commercial for both sides. From
this
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 writer's perception, soft skills are the most noticeable benefits of
school
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 which homeschooling could never afford. By learning in a big group; immature can gain a lot of soft skills
such
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 as teamwork and leadership, which will support them in the future.
As a consequence
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, the children's lives can be much easier. In conclusion, the drawbacks of homeschooling outweigh the pros of it.
Hence
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;
school
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 is irreplaceable for
society
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling. However, there are some factual inaccuracies (e.g., the connection between homeschooling and autism) that weaken your arguments. Make sure to use reliable sources and evidence.
task achievement
Consider developing your main points further with more specific examples or research. This would help in presenting a well-rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer and more organized logical structure. For instance, you may present the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another. This would enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear but could be more impactful. Consider summarizing your main points briefly in the conclusion to leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will make your argument more compelling and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the essay by stating your position clearly.
coherence coshesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance effectively. It brings your argument to a coherent end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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