Some people believe that studying at college or university is important for a successful career. Others think that it is better to quit school and find work to gain experience for a successful professional life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
There are some arguments regarding the option to pursue a higher degree or immediately seek for job right away after high
school
for a better career
. Although
it might be a long process, I firmly believe that getting a degree is a better alternative to becoming a successful person.
People who are against pursuing their higher education
and choose to become workers as soon as possible may perceive that school
is an expensive investment. Henceforth, for some people, especially underprivileged ones, the school
tuition and other additional needs might become a burden. For instance
, in developing countries such
as Indonesia, the annual college cost is relatively beyond the salary of low-income parents. Thus
, most of them cannot afford their children’s tuition fees and have to drop out off
Change preposition
of
school
, so their children can immediately gain income from being a
blue-collar Correct article usage
apply
worker
that does not require high Fix the agreement mistake
workers
education
. Although
it
arguably will gain more experience earlier than those who are getting their degree, in my personal opinion, Correct pronoun usage
they
this
perspective is concerning for their long-term life. In the long-run
, their income will remain stagnant Correct your spelling
long run
due to
a lack of knowledge that can only be acquired through minimum undergraduate study.
On the other hand
, other groups argue that going to university is paramount for the
Correct article usage
a
future
career
. The inspirational stories from those successful people who come from low-economic status have one thing in common: they are prioritizing to pursue their higher education
no matter what obstacles that
might occur. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Although
they have to sacrifice more, they believe it might be beneficial to change their future
. I totally agree with this
view as some skills such
as critical thinking, problem solving
, and networking will be developed well in college. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
This
competencies are needed to get a better career
and income in the future
.
In conclusion, finishing higher education
might be burdening
Replace the word
burdensome
due to
the drawbacks, such
as education
payment issues. However
, prioritizing higher education
proved to be advantageous as it will bolster important knowledge and skills needed for a better career
in the future
.Submitted by mofaraintani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Be more mindful of grammatical accuracy. While your ideas are clear, there are minor grammatical errors, such as 'drop out off school'. Consider revising and tightening these areas to increase overall clarity.
style
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures. Try incorporating a mix of short, impactful sentences and longer, more detailed ones to create a more engaging read.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively. You present both views and state your own position, which is a good strategy.
examples
You provide supporting examples, such as the situation in Indonesia. This helps to substantiate your arguments and provides a real-world context.