IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that studying at college or university is important for a successful career. Others think that it is better to quit school and find work to gain experience for a successful professional life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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There are some arguments regarding the option to pursue a higher degree or immediately seek for job right away after high
school
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 for a better
career
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it might be a long process, I firmly believe that getting a degree is a better alternative to becoming a successful person. People who are against pursuing their higher
education
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 and choose to become workers as soon as possible may perceive that
school
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 is an expensive investment. Henceforth, for some people, especially underprivileged ones, the
school
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 tuition and other additional needs might become a burden.
For instance
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, in developing countries
such
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 as Indonesia, the annual college cost is relatively beyond the salary of low-income parents.
Thus
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, most of them cannot afford their children’s tuition fees and have to drop out
off
Change preposition
of
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school
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, so their children can immediately gain income from being
a
Correct article usage
apply
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blue-collar
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 that does not require high
education
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.
Although
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 arguably will gain more experience earlier than those who are getting their degree, in my personal opinion,
this
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 perspective is concerning for their long-term life. In the
long-run
Correct your spelling
long run
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, their income will remain stagnant
due to
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 a lack of knowledge that can only be acquired through minimum undergraduate study.
On the other hand
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, other groups argue that going to university is paramount for
the
Correct article usage
a
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future
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career
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. The inspirational stories from those successful people who come from low-economic status have one thing in common: they are prioritizing to pursue their higher
education
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 no matter what obstacles
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might occur.
Although
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 they have to sacrifice more, they believe it might be beneficial to change their
future
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. I totally agree with
this
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 view as some skills
such
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 as critical thinking,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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, and networking will be developed well in college.
This
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 competencies are needed to get a better
career
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 and income in the
future
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. In conclusion, finishing higher
education
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 might be
burdening
Replace the word
burdensome
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due to
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 the drawbacks,
such
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 as
education
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 payment issues.
However
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, prioritizing higher
education
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 proved to be advantageous as it will bolster important knowledge and skills needed for a better
career
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 in the
future
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.

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grammar
Be more mindful of grammatical accuracy. While your ideas are clear, there are minor grammatical errors, such as 'drop out off school'. Consider revising and tightening these areas to increase overall clarity.
style
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures. Try incorporating a mix of short, impactful sentences and longer, more detailed ones to create a more engaging read.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion effectively. You present both views and state your own position, which is a good strategy.
examples
You provide supporting examples, such as the situation in Indonesia. This helps to substantiate your arguments and provides a real-world context.
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