IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

#history #people #dream #art #society #element #world #work
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Since
the
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apply
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life started, individuals
seek
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have sought
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 to live in
a
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an
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 excellent environment, but they
have
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had
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not
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no
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 idea how
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 would be formed .
However
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crucial
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 factors
lead
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that lead
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 to
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this
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these
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 conditions are the variety in culture,
religious
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religion
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 and morality
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multiple
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apply
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this
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global
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a global
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language
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. On
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 hand, the first issue
lead
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leading
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 to
disagree
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disagreement
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 is that every country
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has
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 own beliefs.if we
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look
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state
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his
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its
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 own
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way
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to live
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of living
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 and sometimes even in
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second,
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apply
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nother
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another
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for
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 of speech.
For example
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, there
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were
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 more than 250
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languages
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language
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languages
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 around the
world
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the absent
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the absent
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absence
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absent
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absence
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 of common features in the universal is a natural result because they
have
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do have
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not
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a not
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 common
language
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 to contact
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apply
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between
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apply
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each other.
One
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 of the best
way
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ways
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 to tackle
this
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 issue is
determine
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to determine
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 common values.
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although
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, today there are a lot of international laws
but
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apply
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we need to activate
it
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them
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 to
became
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become
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 more effective. sequences, we need to formula
one
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language
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 and combat the several
existence
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existing
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 languages around the
world
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.
English
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The English
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language
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 now is the global
language
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 between
the
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apply
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nations,
unfortunately
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unfortunately,
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this
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only
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is only
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in
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at
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 the official level , we need to admit
this
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through
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at
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 the social level and
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this
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apply
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completely by encouraging people to understand
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language
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 and communicate between them and
this
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is done
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 through social media and laws.
To Sum up
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, people have
a
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an
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 aim to enjoy in
one
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 land in
clam
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calm
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 and reassurance. So , the
numbers
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number
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 of different cultures and languages may resist them ;
as a result
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, we need to solve
this
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by
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through
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 social media and regulations. I hope in the near future
all
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apply
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the
world
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 have
once
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one
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language
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 and values.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from further elaboration about what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to make your argument stronger. For example, mention specific cultures or countries when discussing cultural differences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. The first body paragraph discusses more than one point, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity. For instance, 'the first issue lead to' should be 'the first issue that leads to'.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to address both parts of the question: what constitutes an ideal society and how to achieve it.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, showing your understanding of the question prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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