IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life started, individuals
seek
Wrong verb form
have sought
show examples
 to live in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent environment, but they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 idea how
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
 would be formed .
However
Linking Words
, the
curial
Correct your spelling
crucial
show examples
 factors
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 conditions are the variety in culture,
religious
Replace the word
religion
show examples
 and morality
as well as
Linking Words
mult
Correct your spelling
multiple
 languages. So , to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 goal people must agree with the minimum criteria of common values and establish
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
language
Use synonyms
. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the first issue
lead
Replace the word
leading
show examples
 to
disagree
Replace the word
disagreement
show examples
 is that every country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 own beliefs.if we
were looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 around the earth, we notice that each
states
Change to a singular noun
state
show examples
 have
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
to live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 and sometimes even in
one
Use synonyms
 land there are lots of various social life.
second,
Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nother
Correct your spelling
another
 reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 disagreement is that every community have
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 of speech.
For example
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than 250
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 around the
world
Use synonyms
 ;for
this
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the absent
show examples
Correct article usage
the absent
show examples
Replace the word
absence
show examples
absent
Replace the word
absence
show examples
 of common features in the universal is a natural result because they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not
Add an article
a not
show examples
 common
language
Use synonyms
 to contact
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other.
One
Use synonyms
 of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue is
determine
Fix the infinitive
to determine
show examples
 common values.
This
Linking Words
 process is done by making international agreements and regulations;
although
Linking Words
, today there are a lot of international laws
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
we need to activate
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 more effective. sequences, we need to formula
one
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 and combat the several
existence
Replace the word
existing
show examples
 languages around the
world
Use synonyms
.
English
Change the article
The English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 now is the global
language
Use synonyms
 between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
unfortunately,
show examples
this
Linking Words
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the official level , we need to admit
this
Linking Words
through
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the social level and
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
completely by encouraging people to understand
one
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 and communicate between them and
this
Linking Words
done
Add a missing verb
is done
show examples
 through social media and laws.
To Sum up
Linking Words
, people have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 aim to enjoy in
one
Use synonyms
 land in
clam
Correct your spelling
calm
show examples
 and reassurance. So , the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of different cultures and languages may resist them ;
as a result
Linking Words
, we need to solve
this
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social media and regulations. I hope in the near future
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
world
Use synonyms
 have
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 and values.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from further elaboration about what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to make your argument stronger. For example, mention specific cultures or countries when discussing cultural differences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. The first body paragraph discusses more than one point, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity. For instance, 'the first issue lead to' should be 'the first issue that leads to'.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to address both parts of the question: what constitutes an ideal society and how to achieve it.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, showing your understanding of the question prompt.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: