Nowadays many scientists and tourists would like to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Some scientists and those who like to travel rather prefer to visit overseas natural fields,
such
as the South Pole. However
, travelling to such
lands most likely be more dangerous than any other due to
the fact that nature is untamed by itself. On the other hand
, experiencing the unknown and seeing the unseen are two feelings which can not be felt without exploring. It is agreed that it is quite unnecessary, risky and unworthy in every way.
Firstly
, exploring and finding out are essential for enhancing knowledge, science and research. Also
, travellers who have already toured the world do not have anywhere to travel but extreme places. Moreover
, having a high budget can reduce the possibility of dangering your life with expensive equipment or safety gadgets. For example
, researchers found a new living creature South Pole and safely returned their home with the help of the government years ago.
Secondly
, it is a matter of life and death
, no matter how important is the subject or how curious the scientists are. Furthermore
, it is a one-time only and not repeatable as a vacation or a journey. Even though having a high budget, the risk of death
and freezing will not be zero anyway. Travelling these
kinds of places Change preposition
to these
are
neither wise nor worthy enough to spend Correct subject-verb agreement
is
such
big budgets. For instance
, a group of scientists are frozen to death
while
doing research at the South Pole.
To summarize, the government should not get rid of travelling extremely
conditional places completely to continue gaining data but it should not be just for fun and journey or vacation Change preposition
to extremely
due to
the high risk of death
or injury caused by the extreme conditions.Submitted by sonatakcaa on
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task response
The essay generally addresses the prompt but could benefit from more balanced arguments. While the disadvantages are given emphasis, a more balanced discussion would make the argument stronger.
task response
Consider varying word choice and sentence structure to improve readability and engagement. This will also help demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will help in maintaining a clear structure and improving coherence.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. Transition words and phrases will make the essay flow more smoothly and logically.
task response
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
task response
You offer specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a cohesive structure with a logical flow of ideas, although this could be improved with more explicit linking between paragraphs.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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