IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people say that the onlu way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university eduvation. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #onlu #guarantee #job #course #university #eduvation
It has been said that the only way to have a good
job
 is to complete lessons in
university
education
. The writer strongly agrees with
this
 notion as
companies
 rely on
education
 to recruit
employees
 and without
education
, it is very difficult to get a good
job
. One of the main reasons why graduating from
university
 is necessary to get a good
job
 is that many
companies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 focus on
people
 who complete a
course
 in
university
education
.
In other words
, all of the
companies
 want to develop and they have
employees
 who can help them, if the
companies
 choose
people
 who have no knowledge and did not graduate from
university
, they will destroy the
companies
 as they do not know everything and knowledge.
As a result
,
people
 who did not complete a
course
 in
university
education
 will be unemployed and may get into doubt. Another key aspect as to why completing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
university
education
 is essential to get a good
job
 is without
education
, it is very difficult to have a good
job
. To explain
further
, if a person has no
education
 that applies for a company or school, their applications might not focus on what the company or school want to find a person has the
education
 to work for them and they choose a lot of great applications. To put it another way, nowadays, most
companies
 want their
employees
 to have an
education
 and
then
people
 who did not complete a
course
 in a
university
education
 will be unemployed and they may get into doubt, becoming homeless. In conclusion, completing a
course
 in
university
education
 is very necessary to guarantee a good
job
 as
companies
 rely on
education
 to recruit
employees
 and if one has no
education
, it is very difficult to get a good
job
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance. However, consider including specific examples or statistical data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which is excellent. However, work on paragraph transitions to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: