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Band 3

TOPIC: EDUCATION TRUANCY IN CHILDREN Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#topic #education #truancy #children #experts #language #school #outweigh
Many scientists
inclines
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incline
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 that it will be more effective to let
children
 learn a new
language
 when they
still
Add a missing verb
are still
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at
Change preposition
in
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 elementary
school
 than secondary
school
.
This
 writer believes that the benefit that younger
children
 can adjust easier
as well as
 having
a ordinary wisdom
Remove the article
ordinary wisdom
a pearl of ordinary wisdom
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 about the new
language
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweighed the unfavourable condition of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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distraction from other subjects One of the most focal advantages is that young people can learn the new
language
 effectively. Intrinsically,
according to
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 research, it is proved that toddlers will be curious and interested in absorbing a new
language
.
Consequently
,
Children
 will be active in learning rather than be forced by parents and
school
. Take, Japan as an example, where many activities have been organised for students to approach
forgeign
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 as early as possible. Another point to consider is that
school
 can provide a foundation in knowledge for
children
 at primary
school
. Obviously,
its quiet
Correct your spelling
it's quite
show examples
 late for
children
 to learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
 at secondary
school
due to
lack
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a lack
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 of fundamental knowledge.
As a result
, it is favourable for
children
 to catch up with new
language
. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, Vietnam, where
children
 have already
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 English in primary
school
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a foundation to learn continually in the next grade.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your stance and summarize the main points comprehensively.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples for clearer comprehension. This will also help in making your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly address both the advantages and disadvantages in your discussion to provide a balanced view.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic quite well, focusing on the advantages of learning a new language at a younger age.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and directly related to the topic, showcasing a good understanding of the advantages of early language learning.
coherence cohesion
Coherence is maintained through the essay, with fairly clear paragraph structure and relevant content within each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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