IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that the increasing number of cars in cities is the biggest source of pollution and waste. Others think that industries are the one causing pollution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #cars #cities #source #pollution #waste #industries
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It is thought by some people that sources of pollution and waste in major cities come from vehicles
while
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 others believe that most pollutants are caused by
industries
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, both notions will be outlined before reaching my opinion which is that both have negative elements. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the environment is polluted by
cars
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 and one of the paramount reasons is the increasing number of
cars
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. To elaborate
further
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, some of their engines are outdated and unable to perform,
therefore
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 they emit a lot of exhaust fumes into the air.
Moreover
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,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 approximate life span of each vehicle is roughly 4-5 years and it needs to change, leading to an excessive amount of dump
cars
Use synonyms
 in cities.
For instance
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, in my city these days, the number of
cars
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 on the roads has increased dramatically;
however
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, many old
cars
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 still run and release significant exhaust fumes.
In addition
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, there are places to keep the old and unusable vehicles but they reach maximum capacity already as some people buy new ones and throw old ones away.
On the other hand
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, there is a clear reason that
industries
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 exacerbate our environment and it is the amount of pollution they emit. To explain in greater detail, we can see that tons of harmful gases, the primary cause of global warming, are released into the atmosphere by those
industries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, some of them litter waste water from their manufacturing processes into rivers or canals which in turn eventually flows to seas and oceans.
For example
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, a piece of news that I read
last
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 week said that there was an industrial area in my country released harmful gases higher than the maximum point of emission which is set by the state.
Additionally
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, they
also
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 illegally litter the chemical liquid from their processing methods into the rivers, leading to the massacre of fish in that zone.
Overall
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, both
cars
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 and
industries
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 provide disadvantages to our society and environment. In my opinion, we need a high level of collaboration and coordination between citizens and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments in order to address and tackle these vehicles and manufacturing sections immediately.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
Introduction - It's a strong start, but you can further enhance it by providing a brief preview of the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. While each paragraph is relevant and detailed, smoother transitions can help the essay flow better.
task achievement
For a higher score, aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentences. The essay is clear and concise, but there is room for more sophisticated expressions.
coherence cohesion
Consider developing the conclusion further by restating the main points discussed for a more impactful ending.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points, making arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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