IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, tourists and scientists are allowed to travel to remote natural environments. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers and include example from your own experience?

#tourists #scientists #travel #environments #development #answers
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Tourism
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 plays a vital role in the
economy
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. Nowadays people are more interested in adventure tours. They take time from work and travel to faraway
places
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 to explore the unexplored. I believe, If we continue to see
this
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 development, it will thrive the local
economy
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. Tourist's preferences have changed a lot. They started travelling to the remote
places
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 which were once visited only by scientist to carry out their research. They prefer these
places
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 because of the natural beauty and unexplored.
Due to
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this
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 recent development, there is a significant increase in the local
economy
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. Local people are engaged in the
tourism
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 activity. So, It provides job opportunities for them. These people have immense knowledge of the environment and they play an important role in safeguarding them. They work closely with
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the
show examples
scientist as well, which helps them to enhance their knowledge.
For instance
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, When I visited a remote cave, I saw a lot of the local population's daily income is dependent on
tourism
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. The natural environments are very fragile ecosystems. If these
places
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 are not safeguarded, it will wipe off the whole environment. Even though
tourism
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 is important for the
economy
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, We need to consider the potential problems which arise
due to
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 an increase in the number of
tourists
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. If it is going to affect the environment,
then
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 we need to put restrictions in place to check the number of
tourists
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.
For example
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, When I visited the coral reef,
tourists
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 were not allowed to swim. These sorts of restrictions help in preserving nature.
To conclude
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, I believe that
tourists
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 and scientists visiting these remote
places
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 are important for the development of these remote areas.
While
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 doing so, ensure these are not exploited.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure that your ideas in each paragraph are completely developed and supported with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are logically organized, try to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the examples you provide. For instance, explain more about how the local population's daily income is dependent on tourism.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammar and punctuation issues, such as inconsistent use of capital letters and unnecessary commas. These small corrections can make your essay more polished.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear and relevant focus. You have addressed the topic and provided reasons for your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that help frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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